Day 12 on Champix and my Wife’s progress

This is a two for one blog entry, just a quick one at that as it is getting late here at ye olde homestead.

Well it’s day 12 on Champix and it sure has helped me to quit smoking , I was doing good I had quit on day 9, but today at day 12 I had 2 smokes, why I don’t know,I never had the urge to smoke, I didn’t want one, yet I had 2, oh well tomorrow will be better.

The side effects of Champix are not very pleasant, it has given me a serious case of the screaming shit weasels (runs), and I get minor head aches, but the dreams are wickedly vivid, not nightmares, just very realistic odd dreams, other than that I’m all good, I think the screaming shit weasels are going away! (at least I hope)

Anyway, let’s switch gears a bit and talk about my Wife, she finished her 7th round of Chemo Friday and I brought her home Saturday, she is really tired, and her chest hurts a little, I have increased her pain meds dosage as per Doctors permission, and she has been on her oxygen machine since Sunday afternoon, she has about 20 feet of hose so she can get around the house as she needs.

She goes for at least 1 more round of Chemo in the next 2 or 3 weeks, after that they want to CT scan her again to see if there has been any improvement. She is is fairly good spirits and remains positive , which is very important. I am back to hiding my fears worries and sorrow and back to being the physical and emotional rock that she needs, I will grieve again when she goes into the hospital for the next round of Chemo.

So that’s it for tonight folks, y’all have a good night and remember : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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My Wife and our Life with Cancer sorry for the lengthy post

So over all my Wife has been doing well, she has had a few set backs, last Thursday she was physically sick, puking and had a bad head ache, she slept most of the day and was feeling better Friday. I am pretty sure her sickness was due to too much medication, she takes 20mgs of Morphine twice per day as well as 10mgs of Oxycodone twice per day, on top of that she took a 10mg Valium in hopes it would help relax her leg and let her sleep, I think it was just too much for her system.

Her left leg has been really bothering her, the most likely cause is fluid build up (there is a medical term for this, and it is quite common, but since I am writing this offline, I can’t look it up),anyway her leg has been bothering her for almost 2 weeks, I did take her to the Doctor and he gave her a couple Cortisone needles with anaesthetics in her leg, it helped her a little bit and on Tuesday she goes for an ex-ray on her leg, just to be sure it is not cancer.

As for her Lung Cancer, so far it is not bothering her, she still mostly just uses her oxygen at night while sleeping, she rests a lot during the day but says her lungs are not hurting and she has no shortness of breath. She has been off Chemo for 5 months now and seems to be doing well, her CT-Scan happens February 4th , we should know the results by the 6th the latest, I am praying that it hasn’t spread further and hope that the Holistic treatments are working to shrink the tumors.

She has remained in good spirits, which is important, she is a strong willed woman who won’t give up, I am pretty sure the main reason she pulled through when the Doctors said notify the family is quite simply her Son “Hammy” , he is her entire world, she was born to be a Mom and a great Mother she is, she loves him more than life itself and that is what I believe keeps her going.

Yes I am sure she loves me as well, but it’s not the same, nor could it ever be, the Bond between a Mother and child is extremely strong and endures through time, and that bonded love is very different than the love and bonds of a spouse/partner, just as I love her and our Son on different levels, it can never be the same, but despite that difference, I’d do absolutely anything for both of them without question.

I’d do anything to have my Wife live to grow old with me, to be there when our son graduates, to be there when he becomes a Cop, to be there at his wedding, to be there to see our future grand children and to help me spoil them rotten, I’d give my very soul if it meant she lives to be old, as it is, none of this will probably come to fruition with her at my side so all I can do is cherish each day that I have with her, to constantly let her know that I LOVE her and will be okay and that I can raise our son to be the man she always dreamed he’d be, all I can do is be there in the here and now with her, there are no more future plans together, it is all down to just one simple day at a time, and I’ll take that if it means she can be here at my side just a while longer.

February 14th will be our 18th Anniversary, I am quite confident that we BOTH will be here to celebrate that milestone together, this year I can’t afford much in the way of a lavish gift, but I do have my Great Grand Mother’s Ruby and Emerald ring, I am taking it to a Jeweler to see if maybe I can do a partial trade on a small diamond ring or maybe just maybe have it turned into a nice necklace for her, I wish I could do more for her but the damn furnace just took too much even on payments, it’s a formidable bill.

I will make her her absolute favorite dinner and our son has volunteered to be our waiter , he will help make the meal too, then her and I will have a candle light dinner after which I will get down on my knee , giver her the gift and 18 red roses and tell her EXACTLY how much I love her, how much she means to me, how happy she has made me all these years and let her know that I have no regrets.

I honestly don’t know how many more Anniversaries I will have with her so I cherish the one coming up now, that’s pretty much my reality now…. just one day at a time, make no plans for the future and hope and pray for the best, I don’t really like the uncertainty of one day at a time,but really….what choice do I really have?

The only regret I have is that Hammy has witnessed the pain and suffering Cancer has caused his Mother, that I couldn’t protect him from seeing his Mom at her lowest point, that last spring I had to sit down on the back steps with him and tell him that his Mother may not survive the night, that she may be called to God’s side in Heaven….. I pray for every person reading this, that none of you will ever have to have THAT talk with a child, it is a very gut wrenching soul searing hard thing to do, to look a child in the eyes and tell them that their Mother/Father/Parent may die. That conversation damned near killed me, but it had to be done, he had and still has the right to know the truth and the facts, to not tell him would be to lose his trust completely, to not tell him would be an outright lie even by omission, to not tell him could have made him resentful, it could and probably would have made him HATE for the first time in his life, and could have led to problems with drugs or alcohol. As hard as it was, I had that very conversation with him.

Like me, Our Son is aware of just how serious this could get, it has changed all our lives, not just my wife’s, Cancer is like that, it infects and permeates around and within everyone who is involved with the person who has the actual disease, it takes over everyone’s lives not just the Patient, all you can do is go on living your lives as best as you can knowing the Cancer is still there and probably always will be, you try and work around it but you can never truly avoid it, it’s always there, just silently watching and waiting, you try to remain positive and even ignore the cancer, still it’s in your worst nightmares,it’s in the eyes of your child when he sees his Mom is not feeling well, it’s inside your head as you change the oxygen tanks and help your wife clean herself, it’s always there, even on good days when your wife is happy and bright eyed and has energy to spare, a sudden coughing spell and the blood on her lips Snap you back to the stark reality of Cancer, like an insidious demon from hell it latches onto entire families and slowly, ever so slowly strangles the life out of everyone.

You beg and plead with your God not to take her away from you and the boy, you bargain you say and do anything to buy more time, just one more Day please please please, just one more day, you fall to your knees and beg for strength and mercy to carry on to be strong for your wife, to be strong for your son, you give false hope, not meaning to or wanting to, you tell her that it’s going to be okay, she just has to stay strong and fight the Cancer, that she can do this and that you will be there every step of the way fighting alongside her, you tell her no matter what happens that you will never give up turn away or stop loving her, you bare your very soul for God and the world to see, your heart is permanently tattooed on your shirt sleeve, you are exposed to mental and emotional pain, you weep when someone you don’t even know dies of cancer, you rejoice when someone you don’t even know survives, you spend hundreds of hours researching alternative medicines and therapies that you might try with your wife, you network like crazy searching out those who have fought or are fighting for their lives against this evil vile disease, you do this without ever being asked, you do it out of love and fear, the love you have and want to continue to have with your wife, the fear , the constant fear of losing your soul mate, losing the only woman you have ever truly loved, fear of becoming a single parent and having to pick up the shattered life of a young son and carry on. Through all this turmoil, you learn quickly to appreciate each day that you have as a complete family,you are grateful and thankful each morning that you wake up and she is there at your side, Tomorrows never come when your living with cancer,today is all that matters.

I’ll stop now sorry for the long post, thanks for your time, Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch.
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My Wife our Son Cancer raw honest thoughts and feelings coping

My wife had a rough night last night, she didn’t sleep well and was feeling pressure on her chest and had to use her oxygen all night, I am worried that the cancer is acting up again. Right now I have her upstairs resting on her oxygen, I check on her every hour to make sure all is well, she is sleeping soundly, I said I would wake her up around noon, but I think I am just going to let her sleep until 2 or 3 pm.

To be perfectly honest…. I am worried and a bit scared, if the cancer is acting up it means many more trips to the hospital and the risk of losing her greatly increases yet again, I am not ready to lose my wife, I am not ready to be a single “Dad”/parent (our son calls me Dad) , I am not ready to explain to a 13 year old boy that God needed his Mom in Heaven, I am not ready to bury her, I am just not ready period.

For the last 2 months my wife has been doing very well, she has been off chemo and living a relatively normal life, though her social life took a big hit, her immune system is so severely compromised that we have had to avoid large crowds and limit who can come over to our house, if you have a cold or flu or any sort of contagious illness then you can’t come in our house, the littlest thing can be fatal to my wife.

For the last 2 months I have once again been able to work a couple hours per night (at a friends bar) and one full day every week (cleaning the local church), the extra work is my escape, for a couple hours at least I don’t have to stare death in the face everytime I look my wife in the eye, her eyes have lost their sparkle and are rather dull, I don’t have to think about cancer or what it’s done to my family, to my wife, it’s an insidious disease, it doesn’t just have an effect on the person who has it, it affects everyone involved with that person, it is always there, relentlessly chipping away at everyones faith and strength.

I look after my wife and family as best as I can, I make sure she wants for nothing, make sure she takes all her meds, make sure her oxygen machine is clean and working properly, make sure she has enough portable tanks for when we have to go somewhere, make sure she eats, make sure she eats healthy, constantly point out the positives in her life and keep telling her just how beautiful and strong she is and letting her know just how much she is loved.

I spend as much time with our son as possible too, and always tell him just how very proud of him I am,that his Mother is also very proud of him, we work on his homework together, he helps me in my shop, and we divvy up the house chores and both do our best, I encourage him to go out and be with his friends, and we play video games together, during the summer we help each other with our work, I am so very proud of him, this last summer our son pretty much ran my entire business on his own while I was away at the hospital with my wife, he did a very good job, I am still getting letters from people saying how impressed they are with our son, they had serious doubts that a 13 year old could do the job, but he proved to them that he could and he was very knowledgeable about the equipment and work, it makes my heart sore with pride when I get a letter like that, that’s our boy! that’s my boy! I shed tears of happiness and joy knowing that I can count on our son when the chips are down.

I also worry about our son, no 13 year old should have to work that hard, no 13 year old should be faced with the fact that their Mother is at some point going to pass on, no 13 year old should be have to be living on borrowed time with their family, no 13 year old should have to grow up that damn fast,

2013 our son was just a little boy fighting for his own life with a brain tumor that was hell bent on killing him, he thankfully recovered from his surgery and thankfully they got ALL of the tumor, then in 2014 our little boy became a MAN , he set aside his own recovery and difficulties and stepped up to the plate and took over my business , and ran it like a professional, he took care of his Family when I could not, he not only worked his ass off managing my yard maintenance business, he worked his ass off at home too, he got a crash course in cooking as he often had to make his own suppers, he got a crash course in house cleaning so his Mother could sleep and recover from her Cancer treatments, he grew up too damn fast and is now forever changed, he will never be our little boy again, he is now our young man, he goes to school, hangs with his friends, but always phones home and asks if we need him for anything and to see how his Mom is doing.

I sit here with tears streaming down my face writing this blog entry, Tears of pride for my son, tears of gratefulness for everyone who rallied behind my little family, not once but twice,tears of sorrow because I fear time once again is beginning to grow short with my wife, tears of frustration because I feel I haven’t done enough, and I really don’t have a clue what else to do for my wife,tears of rage , I am so angry, so very angry that my wife is stricken with Lung Cancer, she has never smoked a day in her life, she is such a beautiful person and doesn’t deserve this, no one deserves this,but least of all her.

When I leave my little blurb at the bottom of my blog express your love often – I mean express your love to those around you, your friends,your family,your partner, your children, I say this always to remind you not to take them for granted that they will always be there with you, let them know how much you love them each day because you never know when they will be taken from you, let them know they are truly loved so they can go peacefully.

when i write never take tomorrow for granted- I mean simply that sometimes tomorrow never comes so embrace each day and live it to your fullest as though it was your last.

when I write be kind to others – I mean friends and strangers alike, rich or poor, we each are hurting, suffering,going through our own hell, a simple smile, an act of kindness towards others can make a world of difference to the recipient of your gesture,unless told we don’t know what is going on in another persons life, sometimes a simple smile an act of acknowledgement an act of kindness means the difference between life and death…literally.

I am not a wise person,I am nobody special, just another human being trying to survive in this world and do the best I can with what I have, I try not to hurt others or myself, I try to do the best I can for my family and friends, sometimes it’s not enough, it’s not enough, but I just keep trying, I try to do my best each day and live my life to the best of my ability, when I do that those around me benefit as well, I keep a weathered eye on the horizon searching out the positives in a negative world, despite my families struggle and strife with Cancer there are positives from it, for it has brought us all closer, it has tested our mettle, it has made me stronger, it has humbled me, it brought me closer to my god, it has drawn me closer to my little family and has made me cherish each day that we have together, I know we are on borrowed time, I am not foolish enough to think my wife is going to be miraculously cured, it has taught me how to suffer in silence and grace, it has taught me how to set an example for our son and others by never giving up.

I am going to stop here and go check on my wife, so you all know the drill :express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others

Butch
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One of my Passions… Gardening

I will provide photos of various gardens in a later post, and of course of my own gardens , this Blog is sort of a spur of the moment entry.

So one of my passions is gardening, both flowers and vegetables, I am lucky enough to have a property that supports multiple gardens and have a lot of free space for lawns and trees, I realize not everyone has that much space to play with, but no matter how big or small your space is ,there is always room for a garden.

My main vegetable garden is roughly 12 feet wide by ohhh I’d guess around 50 feet long, it’s your standard in ground garden, I simply rotor tilled my plot into the ground without much thought or precise mapping, I tilled the grass under and let the sun burn the roots, still I do have to weed and pull some grass out throughout the summer, but as each year passes the grass gets less and less, I confess ….the weeds are the bane of my existence, no matter how many I pull (root and all) there always seems to be 10 more the following week, I’ve been at war with the weeds for 6 years now.

Next year I will remedy my weed issues by spraying the entire empty garden with commercial grade round up, let that settle in about a week, then back fill the garden with clean black top soil, about 4 yards worth of fresh dirt, then plant my vegetable garden.

I also have a small flower garden under the bay window of our house out front, where I usually plant flowers , but this year I decided to change things up, since my main garden is doing poorly this year due to weeds and flooding, the only things that survived the flood is the corn and onions , so Back to the flower garden, this year I back filled it with fresh top soil (12 fully loaded wheel barrows full of dirt) I bricked off the ornamental grass to keep it from spreading, and planted beets, carrots, cucumbers and squash in the flower garden, I also planted about a dozen giant sunflowers there, 6 I will harvest for the seeds (should get about 5 pounds) which will give me something to munch on through the winter, the other 6 I will leave for the winter birds.

By the back step, my wife has an old toy box that she had filled with dirt last year and grew flowers, this year I planted 6 tomato plants there instead, we also have 4 really large planter boxes along our front yard fence, usually we fill them with flowers, this year I put petunias in them along with a couple tomato plants.

I have been collecting hanging flower pots from yard sales, next year I will plant things like lettuce and cabbage in them, 1 head per pot, I have discovered container gardening is far less work than my main in ground garden, less weeds for 1, less water also.

Which brings me to small space gardening, pretty much anything that holds dirt can be used for gardening, plastic pop bottles, buckets, lengths of eves trough , wooden boxes, burlap bags, wicker baskets, the possibilities are endless, if you live in an apartment and have a balcony or even a window sill you can grow a small vegetable or herb garden.

If you live in a house, either rent or own, you can either do an in ground garden and do battle with weeds and grass or there is an alternative, you can build boxes and do a raised box garden, this eliminates the grass and most weeds, when I back fill my garden next year I just may go this route. You can also container garden as well.

Garden (for me) gives me a distraction and relieves stress , in the end the work I put into it pays off big time, come harvest my grocery bill drops to almost zero, the extra money saved I either bank or use for meat to fill the freezer ( I also hunt to fill the freezer), with the exception of this year (due to flooding) I usually average around a 500 pounds of vegetables yield, some can be frozen some pickled some canned , there’s nothing quite like garden fresh vegetables.

Another benefit of gardening is, all plants take in carbon and pollution’s, even the lowly lawn grass and they release oxygen,so when you plant vegetables, not only do they benefit you in health and financially, they also give you oxygen, flowers and flowering vegetables attract bumble bees which take the pollen and make honey, so you are also helping the bees as well. You can compost the parts of the plant you don’t eat easily simply by chopping it up and putting it back on the soil of your containers or garden plot, they will rot and fill the soil with nutrients ( you can plow dead leaves under too)

So I will leave it at that and go outside and start taking some photos , as well as going to some of my favorite gardening sites and linking them up for gardening ideas tips and tricks.

Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others

Butch
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My Wife’s Day some Odds Ends

Today my Wife had a very good day, we went to Regina (the city) to the Allen Blair Cancer Center (y’all can google the places I mention and locations just so y’all know everything is on the up & up) the reason it was a good day for her is the simple fact that she didn’t require any oxygen! ALL DAY! and so far none tonight either, add to that the fact that she hasn’t taken any pain medication (Morphine & Oxycodone) for 2 days now, those 2 actions are the equivalent to miraculous ! so yeah I am a happy Butch , my wife is coherent and able to converse and make decisions without assistance, add to that the fact that I shipped our son “Hammy” off to Prince Albert (Saskatchewan) for 3 days, which means I have my Wife to myself (to talk with and cuddle) for tonight at least makes me very happy.

She also got a very nice hair piece (wig) today as roughly 80% of her own hair has fallen out due to chemo, not that I think she needs a wig, she is as equally beautiful without hair as she is with hair. The hair piece she chose is reddish brown, it’s about shoulder length, very stylish and makes her look about 10 years younger, she also has a couple turbans and do rags as well as a funky sun hat for when she doesn’t feel like wearing her new hair, such as when she is in the cancer center having chemo, she will just use a do rag or turban, to me it matters not because she is so beautiful no matter what she does, then again I am wise enough to know her hair meant a lot to her on a personal level, more so than I can understand as my hair is always short, during the summer I often sport a flat top, but my wife has always has long beautiful hair, I think it was some sacred part of her femininity, it is a part that I will never fully understand but can and do respect and appreciate.

She goes for chemo tomorrow, so I will have the house to myself for a few days, I will split my time between home and being at the cancer center at her side , I have a few home upgrades to get done before my wife gets back home, a surprise for her, she likes surprises. To get everything done I have recruited my good friend Wayne, he is a jack of all trades master of none, and I think between the two of us we can install a new toilet and put in new kitchen taps and faucets , I am rather sad to see the old Fergus commode go, but it’s old, loud and makes the pipes rattle with every flush and uses quite a lot of water (around 12 liters if not more), have to say though I am fairly certain that the old commode could flush a basket ball if the pipe was large enough, that sucker has some serious oomph to it!

The new commode is a top of the line Crane ,dual flush, padded seat, has 6 liter tank so my water bill should drop by about $40 or so (we get billed every 3 months, not monthly like the cities) I call it the magical commode , why? because our kid will be in the washroom pushing the damn buttons for an hour or so, I shudder to think what he has crammed down the old Fergus.

I am also putting in a new sink faucet and taps in the kitchen , but keeping the old deep sinks, mixing the old with the new adds our own flair on the house, being that our house is over 100 years old we are very careful not to demo and reno so much that the house loses the simple rustic charm that brought us here in the first place. We generally don’t upgrade unless it is absolutely needed or we have no choice as parts are often impossible to find as they just don’t make them anymore, such as the commode upgrade, I defy anyone to find any parts for a Fergus commode in any hardware store, or find seals and gaskets for a 50+ year old faucet and tap assembly, good luck on that. I know I have checked in 3 friggin provinces for parts, even put an add on Kijiji looking for parts.

My wife thinks I am joking, but I seriously am going to repurpose the old commode and turn it into a giant flower pot and set it smack in the middle of our lawn this summer! and yes I will post pictures.

guess that’s it for tonight, thanks for fallowing me and reading my blog, remember folks, express your love often to those you hold dear to you, and never take tomorrow for granted.

Butch
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My Wife seems to be doing good …for now

My Wife has been feeling a bit better, at the moment she is not bed ridden, she has been able to be up and move around the house, she is able to breathe on her own without oxygen for extended periods of time (6 hours so far), she felt well enough to cook supper tonight.

And what a supper it was! German sausages, beer battered onion rings, a veggie medley smothered in melted cheese and freshly baked homemade butter buns! My Wife can Cook! oh how I have missed her cooking, I have been the chief cook and bottle washer for the last 4 months, it sure was nice to taste her wonderful cooking again, I really porked out too, I am a meatasaurus, I crave meat, all types of meat, but one of my particular favorites just happens to be my wifes german sausage, I confess I eat it by the pound! I have a thing for veggies too, especially veggies smothered in melted cheese!

Now my wife isn’t cured of her cancer , nor sadly will she be, but she is doing remarkably well, I am amazed at how well she manages her day considering she is on quite the drug cocktail to keep her pain free, she takes Oxycodone twice a day, Morphine three times a day and valium three times a day, that’s just her pain management regime, she also has to take a stool softener, a laxative (because the pain pills block her up) an anti nausea medication and a needle full of Fragmin ( a blood thinner) daily.

How she is even conscious during the day is beyond me! never mind the fact that she gets up and can walk a straight line and make a meal fit for a king .

She is having issues with her potassium levels though, they are too high so she will be getting even more medication to combat that as the levels she has put her at risk for renal failure or a heart attack, this is a side effect of the type of lung cancer she has, it’s rare and called Synovial Sarcoma, it’s usually found in the limbs and rarely in the organs.

She has to be very careful of what veggies she eats as well as what fruits, potassium is her enemy right now, I never was one to watch labels at the grocery store, but now that my wife has become ill I have started reading labels very closely, which means I don’t always get to eat stuff I love, but it’s a small sacrifice if it means keeping my wife alive and well.

Today was a pleasant day, we (wife and I) spent a couple hours sitting at our picnic table enjoying the sun and watching the birds, she likes Robins and Starlings and Tree Swallows, 3 species we have plenty of out here on our little piece of paradise on the prairies.

well it is almost 10:30pm here, I will stop here for tonight, peace be with you all, remember to express your love often and never take tomorrow for granted .

Butch
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My Wife’s doing a bit better

Today has been a great day, Today my Wife was feeling good all day, she was able to eat 3 full meals and keep them down and the big one is… she was pain free for the first time in nearly 4 months! She was able to come to the city and use a scooter while our son “Hammy” and I purchased a new lawn mower.

Tonight we (my Wife and I) sat down and wrote out a living will, I will have it notarized Monday, it was a difficult task but had to be done, I now know and understand her wishes.

She is an emotional wreck despite having such a good day, it’s the emotional end that thwarts me, she gets herself so worked up and upset that nothing I say or do will calm her down, it is at this point she likes to try and start an argument, so she “has a reason” to be upset and can validate her derailed train of thought, only I won’t fight or argue with her no matter how many times she attempts to bait or goad me, I remain calm and patient as I know it’s the Cancer and her Fears talking, not her.

well that’s it for now, remember be kind to everyone and express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted.

Butch
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My piddly Windows 10 Review part Deux

Okay I really don’t speak french ( the Majority of Canadians don’t contrary to popular belief) … like most I suffered through the mandatory french classes in high school , in the 3 years I had to “learn” the dang language… I came away with being able to mumble a few words here and there….

Anyway… onto Windows 10 again…. as I said in the previous post, if you download it , install it and decide you don’t like it, you have exactly 30 days to uninstall it and Windows 10 will restore your previous version of windows and install it on your computer/tablet/phone for you …and for free.

Again, the windows 10 download is FREE , and it is not a demo version or trial offer … it is the FULL Version … absolutely free , you pay nothing, ….ever .

So as you know I am a Google Chrome user ( Chrome Fire Fox and all your favorite browsers work well with windows 10 ) , so today I set to playing with the new Windows Edge Browser… OH MY GOD!! it is very streamlined, and wickedly fast! the graphics are UNREAL! and holy man does it ever play videos smoothly and there is absolutely no buffering ! I found the settings for it and switched it from the Bing search engine to the Google search engine, ( I dislike Bing… it’s a personal preference) I have found only 1 flaw with Windows Edge, and it is not a Microsoft problem… it is the game makers problem… Windows Edge uses new tech and stuff that I haven’t sorted out yet, but I have found that many of the games I like to play on facebook…. simply do not work with Windows Edge , so if you play facebook games you may want to keep what ever browser you are using.

HOWEVER!! having said that, let me tell you that other Game sites such as Steam or GOG work very very well with Windows Edge ( helps when game developers keep their programs current and up to date) so far it is just the games on facebook that do not seem to be compatible with the new Windows Edge browser , I even loaded my angry birds ( from the disk) and it played with no issues … Windows Edge is certainly going to become a major driving force behind all other Browser upgrades and builds… I have to admit with the wickedly good graphics that the windows edge browser has , Chrome and Fire Fox and others will be playing catch up very shortly …. even the look and feel and ease of use that Edge has makes my Chrome browser look tired and obsolete.

I haven’t figured out how to migrate my favorites list from Chrome over to Edge yet , but I will re read the how to guide and watch the how to videos again. Oh and Edge also asks if you wish to save your passwords ( as Chrome and many other browsers do)

I find it very hard to believe and even comprehend how a company ( Microsoft) can make the worlds sh!ttiest browser ( Explorer…. any version) for decades and then suddenly release a new browser that is NOTHING like Explorer and that pretty much blows the competition away .

Windows 10 also has a very beefed up firewall and unreal built in anti malware in the Edge which does NOT conflict with which ever anti virus program you are using… the Windows firewall and the Edge anti malware actually compliment your anti virus program quite nicely without any conflict or hiccups. ( I am an Avast user… I never had to re install it, Windows 10 migrated it over automatically as well as bringing all my none Microsoft programs and apps over when it installed . I never had to re install a single thing. and all the non Microsoft programs and apps work well and run smoothly with windows 10 !

Windows 10 also features an upgraded and advanced sound program…. just click your little speaker and the volume control is sideways instead of up and down… windows 10 actually auto configures your sound for optimum performance , and yes the speakers do sound better and clearer.

Windows 10 auto configures everything on your computer/laptop/tablet/phone for optimum performance , it is a hands free setup… just click install and let windows do the rest easy peasy lemon squeezy … and yes you can alter the settings manually, windows 10 is VERY user friendly.

as I stated , Windows 10 uses less than half the resources that ALL other previous windows versions use, that in itself speeds up your device , think of it as going from 100 miles an hour to warp factor 10 in the blink of an eye ! yes it IS that big of a difference!

so that’s my review for tonight… I’ll have more to say as I get more familiar with the new windows…. right now I have nothing bad to say about it, but I am looking for the flaws.

so Remember Folks : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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Passports Justin Bieber and my friend Gabriel

There was a time in the not too distant past when you didn’t need a passport to get into the USA from Canada, back when your drivers licence or birth certificate was more than enough, man I used to be in the USA every other weekend , my friends and I would load up the car and head across the border simply to have coffee in Billings Montana, sometimes Butte if we wanted a change of pace.

Then 9/11 happened and everyone lost their freakin’ minds and got all Paranoid and demanded that Canadians require passports to enter the USA (in the name of security) …( hog wash , it was just the government playing on peoples fears to take away some of their rights in the name of home security) … ah well, I mean come on , I am Canadian… what possible threat does a Canadian pose to an American?? … you people carry friggin guns !! what are we gonna do?? poke you with a sharp pointy stick? all the while saying sorry as we do so?? … maybe you fear that we will rise up and catapult 1971 ford pinto’s across the border, lob them at your major cities?? Really… think about it, what possible threat does a Canadian pose to the USA?? …. I know the true reason why you all made us have to get Passports to enter your country and it has Nothing to do with home security…. you all are just f*cking with us!!, getting even for us sending you Shania Twain, Celine Dion,Drake and Justin Bieber… you’re all pissed off for that, and that is understandable, I mean jesus we couldn’t even handle Celine and Justin ah well… here’s the deal, you keep making us get passports to visit your country, and we will keep sending you God Awful singers who make your ears bleed when they are on the radio… want the pain to stop? then let us cross the border (without getting shot) sans passport… until then we are raising another crop of Biebers… only twice as whiney, twice as stupid and twice as annoying…. expect the first wave of Bieber 2.0’s sometime in the spring 2017 ( we have to wait til they hit Puberty so they will be hormonally fuelled angst ridden whiny little pricks before we unleash them on the American public) …. sorry but this whole draconian passport kerfluffle has forced us to take drastic measures…. only you have the solution, it is now out of our hands…… sorry about that eh !

So anyway… I am in the midst of applying for Passports for Hammy and I, seriously I wasn’t going to bother , but I got an email from my friend Gabriel today ( the young lad from Sierra Leone that I wrote about some time ago) anyway, he is going to be attending an American University next year, Arizona I believe, so he is applying for his Visa now (because it takes so long to acquire ) , we really want to meet , we have been friends and penpals for the longest time ( a couple years) , we agreed that we would like to meet in person and solidify our friendship, Arizona really isn’t all that far from where I live, actually it’s really close, if I left here at 6 am I could be in Arizona by 4 or 5 pm that same day , I don’t know what city yet, but compared to our provinces… Arizona isn’t that big so regardless of where he goes , we could be there in a day or two. I am rather excited at the prospect of seeing him and introducing Hammy to him, Gabriel has been a good friend, even though he is from a dirt poor almost 3rd world country , he has never once asked for anything except for prayers when the Ebola broke out, we prayed that he and his Mom and Sister would be safe, we always exchange small gifts, and photos , actually he is the only person online who actually knows what I look like * devious grin* and I pretty much aim to keep it that way, not because I am shy, or look like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, nor is it because I am breathtakingly handsome ( I am none of that)… I am just me, your average putz, you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all kinda person, … I just like to remain a mystery that’s all, if you ask for pictures, you will get pictures of me hiding behind my cat Shmoo … I like blending in and being anonymous , of course all you need to do to pick me out of a crowd is look at the tattoos on my arm , if you remember those from the pictures I posted, then you would instantly know who I am and what I look like if I were standing next to you at a shopping mall or other public venue.

Gabby sent me some beach nuts ( they grow wild over there) and is a food staple there, I found them to be quite bitter and not something I’d care to eat on a regular basis, I in turn send him chocolate bars and Kinder eggs, he is quite addicted to our chocolate, chocolates are a treat for him, you and I can walk into any store and think nothing of dropping a few coins or a dollar on a chocolate bar…. he can not, a chocolate bar is a luxury to him and he can ill afford to be buying chocolates, so I send them to him, it takes him up to 3 months to receive my letters and packages , the mail over there is not that great, I have to send a couple extra chocolate bars in his packages as they are routinely opened by “inspectors” over there , the extra chocolate bars are a bribe to them to make sure he gets his package and chocolate bars … I send Gabriel 6 chocolate bars at a time in a package, I add another 4 bound with an elastic band, with a note attached to them, “To the Post Master/Inspector , please enjoy” , Gabriel always gets his 6 chocolate bars and letter .

So that’s about all I have to say for now, Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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A letter to my Wife 2

Hello Darling, it’s just me again, I want you to know that I think of you all the time and miss you like crazy, I’ve found some comfort in knowing you didn’t suffer when you went to God, I am also comforted knowing the last memory of you that our son has is of you laughing and happy.

God I miss you so much, Things are coming together perfectly for your service Darling, it shall be beautiful, the little church is a perfect setting, though small we will fit everyone in don’t you worry.

I think your entire Family is coming down, I know mine is too, I am sure you will be happy and pleased, shoot I can just hear you now saying “ I don’t like the attention, I wish there weren’t so many people” , but Darling please understand , all the people loved you and they never had the chance to say good bye, they NEED this service to find closure in their lives.

I was given a big photo of you yesterday that I’d never seen before, it was taken at your Brothers wedding, Darling you looked Beautiful, I think it is a Grand picture and I will have it framed and hung on my wall.

Has God given you your Angel wings yet? Most likely he has, if I know you , you are probably up there helping look after all the children in Heaven, I want you to know that I have felt your presence here with me more than a few times, I know it was you who motivated me to dig out that television for Hammy and take it to his room and hook up his video machine to it.

I also know it was you who motivated me to clean and uncluttered the house, I hope you don’t mind how I have been doing that? I know this was your home and it shall always be, Darling there are a few things I need you to know, I can not bring myself to sleep in our bed, I just can’t do it so I’ve been sleeping on the couch instead, it’s okay though it is comfortable to me.

I have to go upstairs sooner or later and start going through all your clothes and get them ready for donation just as you asked, forgive me Darling, I just can not bring myself to do that right yet, please allow me more time, I will get it done, I promise.

I also have to clean out the storage room, wow what a mess! I can hardly get through the door, I could use a hand in there, I need to know what I can get rid of and what must be kept, so if you could come around again sometime and guide me that would be great.

Things are different now that you are not here, the house just doesn’t quite feel like a home anymore, it’s still warm and inviting, but it is missing your touch and personality, it’s lonely here, even with Hammy, it feels empty.

Hammy is doing okay, he is still in denial I think, the other day he said he missed you very much, I do as well Darling. Hammy has only missed 3 days of school, I felt it would be good for him to go but I don’t force him, shoot you know him , he loves school anyway, He is going skiing the Friday before your service, it will do him a world of good not to have to think about all this for a day, will you guide him and protect him from getting hurt that day?

Yesterday my sister came out to the village and took us to the city, I picked up some more supplies, it feels very odd shopping without you, you know me into the store and out as quickly as possible, Hammy didn’t even complain about shopping as he usually does, perhaps it was because he knew there was food coming at the end of the shopping.

We had a good visit when we got back home…home , now there’s a word that feels strange now that you’re not here, my sister took a bunch of photos I had of you and is going to scan them and send them to your sister, I will have those photos back by Wednesday.

Darling , I really don’t want to say this, but I am pretty sure your sister is both mentally and emotionally unstable, again she is mad at me, I just can not say or do anything with out hurting her or making her angry, I am trying Darling, I am trying very hard not to upset her, I won’t really say much to her at the service but I will give her a big hug. It is said sometimes silence speaks volumes, so I shall remain silent around her, I just want the service to be perfect and to honour you, not be upsetting anyone.

Oh how I miss you Pauline, my heart aches from wanting to hold you just one more time, to hear your sweet voice, to feel your warm embrace, I would give anything to be able to hold you and tell you I love you just once more.

Every morning I kiss and hug hammy and tell him how much I love him, and again at night before he heads to bed, He looks and acts so much like you, it is almost like hugging you again, I always tell him how proud of him you were and how much you loved him, he doesn’t talk much about you yet, but give him some time Hon, he is grieving in his own way.

Our neighbours cleaned out our driveway again, this time they brought the snow blowers right up to the steps of the house, it was very kind of them, I am trading all that Boost and Ensure for a home made Lasagna and cookies with Brody’s Mom, she is so kind, she is the one who made the offer, and Cameron’s Mom paid for Hammy’s ski trip, that was very thoughtful and kind of her, and yes I got Hammy ski goggles yesterday.

I am learning to swallow my pride and accept help when it’s offered Darling, see even old dogs can change their ways! Pretty sure that has surprised a few folks, but I did realize that I do need help, just until I get used to being a single parent and find my own routine, there are a few things that I struggle with, driving alone is one of them, please understand that for 18 years I have always had you riding shot gun, now that seat sits empty and the drive to the city is lonely and seems longer, just give me time to adjust Darling, and guide my car straight and true this winter.

I am honouring you by rethinking my life, I am striving to become a kinder and gentler person, Butch 2.0 , I am finding an inner strength I never knew I had and that’s because of you Darling, you made me who I am today through your loving gentle ways, and I strive to make you proud, I always have tried and always will.

Well my Darling, I started writing to you early this morning, sadly I have to go now as Hammy woke up, I wish I didn’t have to go, I wish I could talk with you all day but again life calls me and I must answer, please know that you have made me a strong person and that everything down here will be alright, I wish I could walk with you in Heaven and tell you all this in person, but Darling, I know I can’t right now, please wait patiently for me, I will one day be at your side again.

Be happy my Darling, I shall talk with you again soon

All my Love and Devotion

Butch
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A letter to my Wife 4

My Darling, I dreamed of you last night, you were walking in a field, your long hair gently blowing in the breeze, you looked so happy and peaceful and perfect, I stood there at the edge of the field unable to move, not wanting to move, just watching you as you skipped and twirled and laughed, I wanted to call your name, I wanted to call out to you to say I am hear my Darling, I am here, but I had no voice, I watched you with the purest of love in my heart and tears in my eyes, I so desperately wanted to hold you in my arms just once more, just for a little while.

Today my heart aches for you, the memories of you cut my very soul, what should be happy memories that comfort only bring sorrow and heart ache, even on better days my Darling, my heart aches and though I smile, it is a hollow sad empty smile, you are always in my heart, my love for you will never fade, nor will my memories of you.

I stopped living the day you passed, I only exist now , I put on a smile and a happy demeanor around our son, sadly he does the same around me as well, we are both deeply wounded and scarred for life, life for us can never be the same, fleeting moments of happiness are quickly followed by sorrow for you’re not here to share the moment with us, we miss you so much.

It has been almost 3 months since you passed, it seems like just yesterday, the pain and sorrow is even greater now, it gets worse not better as time slowly passes, spring has come, your favorite time of the year, spring a time of new life and growth, for me it is a time of sorrow for you are not here to see the beauty that comes with the season, you’re not here to share the new life springing for around me, I see the world in shades of gray now, the world has lost it’s color, it is all black and white now, I see no beauty in the world anymore, only violence strife and sorrow, our little home we built together has lost it’s luster, I look at our home and see a tired old house that is like me, just trying to hang on and cling to memories of happier times, the house is really showing it’s age now, it shows the grief and sorrow inside.

I have a little poem on the wall next to the computer, I don’t know the author, but I read it every day and think of you my Darling, the last line is what I am living for , and for me that day can’t come soon enough.

A limb has fallen from the Family tree.

I keep hearing a voice that says,”Grieve not for me,

Remember the best times,the laughter the song.

The good life I lived while I was strong.

Continue my heritage,I’m counting on you.

Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.

My mind is at ease,my soul is at rest.

Remembering all,how I was truly blessed.

Continue traditions,no matter how small.

Go on with your life,don’t just stare at the wall.

I miss you all dearly,so keep up your chin.

Until the day comes we’re together again.”

My Darling , though I weep and grieve please know that Hammy and I are alright, we are hurt,but we will go on, we are looking after each other with a level of love and mutual understanding that most can’t understand, though my soul is in great pain, I will carry on and fulfill my promise to you, I will raise our son to be the man you have always hoped and dreamed he’d be.

Darling please watch over us and guide us down the right path, guide me in raising our son , guide him and keep him safe for he is all I have left in this world now, help me keep him safe.

Darling, again I must thank you with all my heart for loving me, for making me the happiest and luckiest person in the world, for 18 years of pure love and wedded bliss, for giving me a son and for allowing me to raise him as my own, thank you Darling for all the beautiful memories you helped me create, thank you for opening my eyes to the beauty in nature, thank you for helping me to learn and grow as a person, thank you for helping me find myself, thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved, and most importantly thank you for being you.

If I had it to do all over again , I wouldn’t change a single thing, Darling you were more than just my wife, you were my very best friend and my soul mate, and know that I love you then, now and for all eternity, I miss you my Darling, I miss you so very much.

I must go now Darling, I’d like to stay and talk to you for ever and I don’t want to go, but I must go for now , just know that I love you and I miss you .

Love always and forever

L (Butch)
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“That Kid just ain’t right” or how I put my Dad into a low orbit

I would love to tell you that I started out life being the perfect daughter to my parents….. but that would be a lie, ummm put it this way, my Father was a liberal man who more or less raised me as if he had a son, by age 4 I knew how to take a carburetor off any vehicle (much to the dismay of my Father and a few of his friends), by age 5 I knew every swear word on the planet and if I swore my Dad and his friends would laugh and think it was funny.

My Mother on the other hand was a strict Catholic and tried to make me all prim and proper wear dresses and not swear , do little lady shit etc….. failing that she swore up and down that I was Satan incarnate because I fought with boys, when I was about 7 years old we lived in a small village in the deep south of Saskatchewan it was the early 1970’s and our house had electricity but no plumbing , if you needed a washroom you went out to the outhouse and did your business …… I told you that so you would understand this.

Now I was a Tomboy through and through, Mom didn’t give up on trying to make me wear a dress until I was around 14 (the day I nearly shot her), but that’s another story for a later time …we will call that one an “accident”

Anyway, most of my summers were spent helping Dad in his work shop, now one of Dad’s jobs was to go around the countryside blowing up beaver dams for the farmers and the fish and wildlife folks…. Dad always made his own explosives , depending on the location and size of the dam sometimes he used black powder charges and sometimes he used the old diesel fuel and fertilizer , he always whipped up his batches of explosives in his work shop,which I was always in helping (pestering) him, to keep me amused (out of his hair) he taught me how to make home made fire crackers , they were about equal to your standard cherry bomb, and so it was, I’d be out behind the house blowing shit up with my home made fire crackers, yanno things like my little sisters toys , plastic pails, infact a game of dare stemmed from the plastic pail, the dare was , throw a fire cracker in it then sit bare assed on the bucket and wait for the BANG, a few friends chickened out, but that boy Robbie was short and fat so when he sat on the bucket it kinda sucked itself to his arse ….. no worries though, the fire cracker broke the skin to plastic seal and with a scream he was free…. rolling on the ground holding his nuts….but hey he was free!! and he became the first and only kid to stay on the bucket to the bitter end, he was the school hero, even if he did walk funny for a few days.

By the way… my Mom whupped my ass for that, turns out I could have made it so Robbie couldn’t have kids when he grew up ….hmmmm who thinks of that during a game of dare?? christ that was the first time I ever seen a boys junk and I had no friggin clue what it did or was supposed to do I was just a kid! …. and yes to make it even I dropped my drawers and let him look at my junk fair is fair after all (and yes Mom whupped me for that too cuz apparently girls don’t show their privates to boys….ever. )

So anyways summer came and went and I grew another year older but was just as sweet and innocent as ever when this happened…………..

I had learned how to build a better bomb (by helping my Dad)….one fine day for what ever reason that eludes me now, I thought it would be fun to throw a fire cracker into the out house…. so I did…….. NOTHING!! I must have thrown about a half dozen down the hole with the same result… Nothing, nada, zip, not even a poof!!

Didn’t take me long to figure out the firecrackers wouldn’t go off because they were wet , hence the black powder was wet as was the fuse etc…. NOT one to give up (my Daddy taught me persistance pays off, he always said never give up if at first you don’t succeed try try again), I went around behind the out house and dug a small hole between the wall and the shit hole, I “accidently” took one of my Dad’s half sticks of black powder explosives ( about the strength of a quarter stick of dynamite) I tied a length of baling twine around it and pushed it through the little hole I made, I let it down into the hole slowly so the fuse wouldn’t come out or tangle and as soon as I heard it touch the goo in the shit hole ( a little plop) I tacked the twine so it wouldn’t sink, I had just lit the fuse when my Father came out of the house…….

I high tailed it for the hedges and hid in them , thinking Dad would be headed for his work shop and I knew he would be angry with me when that explosive of his went off, too late now though……..and Dad went into the outhouse and not his work shop!!

What happened next happened in slow motion, but was over in less than a second…… Dad was in the out house taking a crap…. the explosive was down in the hole……..the fuse was burning….after what seemed like forever there was a THUNDEROUS KABOOM !!! the out house launched a good 5 to 10 feet straight up into the air with my Dad in it, and when it landed a few feet away the door flew off it’s hinges some boards flew off the walls and the roof fell in a bit…….. my poor Father was still in the sitting position, pants around his ankles and a blank distant stare on his face…his cigarette was still in his mouth too…

By this time I was thinking I killed my Daddy , but he wobbled to his feet pulled up his pants and walked right past me without so much as a single word……Dad spent a couple hours just sitting at the kitchen table with Mom and at supper he didn’t say a word , he didn’t talk to anyone …. looking back in hind sight he was probably plotting my demise, Mom didn’t even speak to me, but her eyes shot daggers at me……. it took Dad a week before he came looking for my ass, and yes he whupped me really good!!

My Dad had a permanent nervous tick above his right eye that stayed with him right up until he passed away in 1999 , and everytime he heard a car backfire he’d nearly jump out of his skin….. I can’t imagine why!?!?

So that’s all for tonight, now you know that I was THAT kid and looking back..I do understand why I am the Black Sheep of the family, and that’s okay , I know my family loves me, they just don’t trust me lol

Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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The House just isn’t a Home when my Wife is absent

Today is the day we (my wife & I) were dreading, Chemo day, my Wife gets upset and cries when ever she has to go in for chemo, partly because it makes her so sick (ironic since it is also what’s keeping her alive) and partly because for the next 3 or 4 days she will be separated from her Family (Hammy and I) as well as her beloved pets ,Sabre (Cat) , Tippy (Cat) , Teddy Bearz (Cat) and Peepster (Cat) and of course Memphis (Big Doofy Dog), and the fact she will be away from her home.

It breaks my heart to see her cry, knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to ease her physical pain or emotional turmoil, I comfort her as best as I can and try to remain positive and strong for her, outwardly I am an emotional rock, but inside I’m dying a thousand deaths knowing my wife suffers so much from Cancer, I want to scream and shout and punch something, anything just to be able to unload the heart ache I feel, knowing that the chemo , at best, is buying my wife a few extra months of life here on earth with us, always praying for a miracle , while also praying that she passes quickly in her sleep so the hurt and pain she feels will cease.

It’s hard on me to see her suffer, to see her struggle to get better so she can see her son graduate, get married, have kids etc. It kills me to know that I can’t fix this, for 17 years with her I have had all the answers, fixed all her problems,stood at her side lovingly through hell and back and through heavenly times too. Now I am at her side to the bitter end, with nothing but pure love and gratefulness, I am so very grateful that she chose to be in my life for the last 17 years, I wish and pray she could be in my life 17 more, but I know that ,that can never happen, a very huge part of me is dying inside.

Yesterday she told me that when she passes, she would want for me to find a companion or at the very least a friend, I told her I could never ever do that, she is my soul mate, I could never find that sort of love and happiness again, no I will remain single, raise our boy to be a fine man,and grow old with my memories of her.

Tonight the house just isn’t a home without my wife here, the atmosphere is different and time passes so slowly, I have to come home every evening because of our boy Hammy, even he notices the subtle changes in the house when she is not here, even the animals notice and react different than usual when she isn’t here.

With that I will say good night, I have opened up as much as I want to do for now, …Remember to express your love often, and never take tomorrow for granted. Peace be with you all

Butch



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Windows 10 my 2 cents and other shtuff from the prairies

Out here on the Saskatchewan Prairies we are just 24 hours out from a wicked 3 day storm, there were tornadoes involved and a torrential downpour of rain, the thunder shook my wee house and rattled the windows, and the lightening was an awesomely amazing light show, huge forks of white blue and purple lightening that lit up the entire sky for 10 to 20 seconds at a time …… I do love our prairie storms, they are spectacular and frightening, folks who are not from the prairies normally duck and run for cover, our storms are quite different than the rest of the provinces , they are something to be witnessed as they are not easily described.

So I went ahead and installed Windows 10 on both the home PC and on my laptop, and I have 2 different versions of Windows 10, I have Windows 10 Home edition on the PC (full version) and Widows 10 Work edition on my laptop ( full version) , there are subtle differences but for the most part both are easy to navigate and use.

As I stated in the previous post , you can get Windows 10 for FREE from the Microsoft website , and it’s the full version, not a demo or trial, just go over to their site and click on the upgrade … it’s FREE , it’s a 3 gig download, but it goes fairly quick , it takes about 20 minutes for Windows 10 to set itself up, save your existing windows version ( so you can switch back if you don’t like the upgrade) and save all your files and settings, from there it’s a 5 minute install and BAM your good to go!

Now, I will say you NEED to watch the how to video’s , and read the help files, let Windows 10 assist you in setting things up the way you like, it is practically idiot proof !

I haven’t played around with their new Browser …. yet … it is called Microsoft Edge , from what I have read it IS all that and a bag of chips , it is designed to give both Fire Fox and Chrome a good run for their money…. meaning it is designed to meet or exceed both Fire Fox and Chromes abilities and ease of use etc. Microsoft Edge is a Major player in the browser world , unlike it’s failed predecessors (Explorer) …. I looked at Edge briefly , I never went further than it’s home page, it IS streamlined, and had local news on it, my only dislike thus far is it uses BING as it’s search engine and not Google , though you CAN go into the browser settings and make Google the home/start page. I shall play around with the new Microsoft browser in the coming days and give a review (personal opinion) on it, I am a die hard Chrome user, which is very compatible with Windows 10 , actually every program and file that I had on both Windows 8.1 (laptop) and Windows 7 (PC) work very well with Windows 10 , Microsoft did not attempt to force people to use only Microsoft products and programs with Windows 10 as they had done with Vista , instead they made Windows 10 compatible with most outside programs and products …. and again it is very user friendly.

There are many features that I haven’t played with yet, such as Cortina , activate that and the computer will talk to you , you will absolutely love windows 10 if you have a tablet or a touch screen on your computer , and you can pass info back and forth between windows based devices without the use of usb cords , just set the tablet , phone etc next to the computer screen and swipe… the stuff on your computer magically appears on the other device and visa versa .

BTW windows 10 is also available for your tables and windows based phones… absolutely FREE and again it’s the FULL version, and is FREE for as long as you own what ever device you downloaded it onto along with any future upgrades , they will also be FREE.

There is also no limit on how many computers laptops or devices that you can upgrade to windows 10 , Windows 10 also holds your previous version of windows for you, you have exactly 30 days from the moment you log onto windows 10 for the first time to decide if you want to keep it or go back to your earlier version of windows , click the reinstall previous windows version button and windows will restore your previous version and remove windows 10 , if you wait beyond the 30 day limit windows 10 will permanently delete your previous version of windows and you will be running windows 10 permanently.

Windows 10 did speed up both my PC and laptop, it actually uses less than half the resources (cpu and memory) than windows 7 or 8.1 and the graphics are unreal! you can also set up the start menu to function and look the same way as Windows XP, Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 , Windows 10 gives you full preference and customization, you can do a great many things with it , I’ve only played with it for 2 hours so I am not aware of every feature and function …. yet. just give me a few days.

So that is about all I know of Windows 10 at this moment, I will play with it for awhile and report back with my thoughts and opinions, so far there is nothing I really don’t like except for the Bing and that’s a simple click of the settings button, as I said I am a Chrome user , so Windows Edge will be hard pressed to win me over.

Other than that I have been looking after a neighbour’s sick dog, a scruffy little pocket dog, not sure what breed it is , but it has the runs , I am going to get it some medicine tomorrow, I also have to do some shopping , I absolutely dislike shopping, but the dog needs food as do the cats and I have a 14 year old human eating machine (Hammy) to feed so it is a chore that must be done .

I have managed to pull myself back together after my grief meltdown, and Thank You ALL for your kind words, I do very much appreciate you all. I should be okay for a good while now… I hope.

Anyway that is all for tonight, I have to be up extra early tomorrow so I shall bid you all good night, oh and Remember Folks : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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Politics Shmalitics my POV right or wrong they are mine

I dont often say much about politics,because quite frankly I dont really give a shit whose our fearless leader of Canada is! why? because they are all assholes thats why, they lie, they cheat, they steal and generally give us (the general masses) a bone here and there to appease us while secretly rewriting the laws. Such is life, welcome to Canada where we become a little more Americanized each passing day.

One of the perks of being Canadian was a quazi freedom of speech, you could say what ever you liked as long as it didnt incite a riot or provoke or promote Hate, the Neo Nazis and extreme right wing loons had a rough go up here in Canada,that is until our fearless leader removed section 13 from our law books.... yippie effen yahoo!! now the younger generations see this as a good thing, why? because dammit Canada should have free speech just like in the good ol US of A !! they forgot that section 13 stopped those crazy west burrow bastards at the border just a few short years ago, they probably never even heard what happened to the KKK in Alberta back in the 1990s, they most likely never felt the sting of hateful words... the price of free speech is going to be steep in Canada, all those hate groups that were stopped from entering Canada now have free reign ... but I lament, no one paid heed to the cost of hate speech way back in the early 1930s over in Germany either...well yeah look how that turned out, Not saying that will happen in Canada, no the jews and muslims and tamil tigers etc are all safe.... for now, the Gay community is going to catch hell now for sure, they will be the first target I guarantee it, after all now you can legally organize a mob and crash pride parades calling them anything you desire.....you are now immune from prosecution, and you can bet your ass almost every right wing blowhard insane preacher with a couple hundred equally insane followers are gonna have a field day here in Canada

Why does this irk me enough to write a blog post? because I am one of those "old farts" that fought for equality for ALL going way back to the late 1970s when I was just a confused kid who didnt know my ass from a hole in the ground, thats why! Ive been gay bashed, not just verbally but physically, hell I have a criminal record (multiple assaults) from the early to mid 1980s for getting into rumbles and brawls over my right to be ME! Im getting too old for this hate shit! I was looking towards the newer generations to keep a vigilant eye on our hard won rights and freedoms , but they dropped the ball...a royal FUBAR, so much for the next generation being the enlightened bunch, they will hug a tree, preach against spanking and discipline, but fallow the masses like good little sheep and actually cheer the new version of free speech....the American version, whats that bible story when the jews strung Jesus up on the cross?? oh yes....forgive them father for they know not what they do.... yeah well I aint God and I aint so forgiving, the new generation have let our fearless leader abolish the law that prevented hate speech...they trampled on my right to live in PEACE free of verbal abuse and the shit storm that is coming! you give those freakin right wingers an inch and they will take a mile and condemn 1 group at a time.

enough of that shit, lets move on shall we?

How about that Nelson Mandela , a great man really, though I am not of African decent, I have followed this man for decades and truly believed in his cause, it does sadden me to know that he is not long for this world.I really dont know what to say except his family is doing a piss poor job at maintaining his legacy! someone needs to wake the hell up and set things right before Nelsons legacy is over shadowed by all the family infighting! this too saddens me.

on the topic of the USA, all I have to say is that I am pro Obama, and think that good ol boy GWB should be well forgotten and soon...as the Great Bugs Bunny would say....What a maroon!! hey if its any consolation we have had (and sometimes still have) our share of maroons as our fearless leader(s) up here in Canada, anyway, I am NOT anti American, I do love our southern neighbors, I simply do not want to become one either! ( Hear that Harper... We are CANADIAN,not AMERICAN and wish to stay that way) I do however love that American cooking!! OMG yall can cook!! I have in my life had the pleasure of travelling 38 states, I can honestly say that I was made to feel welcomed in every single one, some of my greatest memories was chatting about our funny money and how colorful it is and swapping smokes ( yall smoke some serious shit down there,honestly I cant handle American cigarettes), Im not too partial about your beer though, honestly how can you drink that shit? it tastes like recycled monkey piss and is weaker than hell, your strongest beer is considered a light beer here, if you want to taste real beer come to Canada ! however your hard liquors can stone a horse! yall tricked me good with something called Ever Clear! I drank 3 or 4 shots of this magic potion in Vegas, tasted like gasoline and holy flying batfarts did it ever burn ! (both ways, going in and coming out)dont think Ive ever pissed liquid fire before or since!btw I woke up 3 days later in Utah with no clue how I got there, still dont know to this day, and that was 20+ years ago.

American politics is fun to watch, your candidates good or bad have flare and style and pizzazz unlike our dry snooze fest politics, watching Canadian politics is akin to watching paint dry,I dont know its just that you Americans seem to do everything louder and with more enthusiasm than the rest of the world, especially Canada, dont take that wrong, its a compliment,dont even get me started on your accents, dang how can there be so many different accents in 1 country, each state has its own accent and in some cases language ( I was messed up in Cajun country), couldnt understand a dang thing was that english french? wow its like trying to talk to an intoxicated Newfoundlander, just fallow the tone of voice and not politely now and then!

I cant get a passport (because Im to damn lazy to get a pardon) and I dont much care for all the border guard bull shit (on either side of the border)so I wont be able to take my family to the USA and show them some truly awe inspiring sights such as Hoover Dam, Old Faithful, the red/purple mountains in Arizona, the Washington Monument, or Mount RushMore, damn that last one is a true marvel of human ingenuity !

anyway its late, Im tired, Ill bitch about my own country (Canada) another day, this whole free speech shit really has my undies in a knot and I needed to vent


Gnight

Butch


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Updates on my wife

My Wife has a month or less to live, they have a shunt in her right lung to drain the fluid, she has a massive embolism in her lung caused by a massive blood clot, yesterday while she was coherent and able she signed the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) I also signed as I am the one who shall speak for her when she can not.

She want’s a Death with Dignity and Grace, not kept alive with machines and tubes and wires hanging out of her, I respect and understand that, I wouldn’t want that either.

She wanted to die at home and I wanted that as well as I have always found a way to grant her wishes However I talked with her sister and brother about this and they brought up hospice care, at first I was against it as this is not what my wife wanted, but I thought about it and finally admitted to myself that I just can not look after my wife’s health needs at this point, so I asked them to come talk to the in hospital social worker about it with me.

So tonight my Beautiful Wife was moved to the Palliative Care unit , it’s like a Hospice center only in Hospital, she now has a very large private room, she has a flat screen tv with 600 channels , a stereo, phone sofa big comfy bed and a nice view, I am bringing her -her teddy bear favourite blanket some pictures and music tomorrow and on Sunday I will bring her Cat to visit .

She has not been at the hospital alone, for the last 2 nights my sister has stayed with her during the night so I could come home and look after our son Hammy and our animals, I have been there every day from 7 am until 9 or 10 pm , tonight my wife’s sister is with her, and tomorrow both her brother and sister will be there at night with her, then Monday night I will spend 24 hours there , I will have my friend Wayne and his family look after our son Hammy , Hammy can come home and look after the animals then go back to Wayne’s.

I am so heart broken and I am NOT alright, I grieve hard and know only sorrow now, my Wife is dying, She asked me why God did this to her, I told her that I believed that before she was born she was an Angel in Heaven, I told her I believe God gave her charge over a very special boy (her son) so she came to earth, was born and grew up and gave birth to this very special child, along the way she was to find me and teach me how to Love, how to Trust, to teach me Compassion and Kindness and above all teach me how to parent her very special child, she did all this and so much more, she also taught me how to laugh and enjoy the simple things in life, she taught me to gaze in wonder at the stars, she taught me to thank God every day for sending me an angel, she taught me how to believe in an unseen God with all my heart and soul , she did her job that God asked her to do and she did it very well, now her work is done and God wants his Angel home as he only takes the very Best.

I also reassured her that Hammy and I would be alright that we would live each day of our lives in her memory and honour her , I told her I would talk and pray to her always, that our love is so strong that even in Death can not stop that love that I will continue to love her right up to my own death and beyond, we WILL be together again for all Eternity just right now I can not join her no matter how much my heart aches to do so for now I have to pick up and finish raising our Son to be the man she always dreamed he’d be.

I am comforted in the knowledge that she feels no pain now as they keep her comfortable and I’m comforted to know that soon my Darling wife will once again be an ANGEL, my heart breaks but I know I can live on and raise our son and he will be a great man who will one day have a wife and oh how he will love and cherish her, he WILL have what I had and so much more.

I have to stop now but I thought I should let you all know what’s going on and how things are going, thank you all for letting me talk/write about this and thank you for all your kindness and thoughtful replies I do read them I just can’t respond to you all right now, everytime I try I just break down.

Butch
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The simple side of life

Happy Independence Day to everyone in the USA !! God Bless you,may you once again become a world leader and champion of all that is Right and Just.

Canada Day was July 1st, being that we live out in the countryside I purchased and fired off fireworks, of course they werent as good as the professional fireworks in the cities, but hey, they were pretty and there were no major mishaps,fires or unwanted mayhem.

Today was a day of getting back to basics,remembering where we were and where we are now, today was a day to get back to the simple country living that we have come to enjoy for the past 6 odd years or so.
Keep in mind that my Wife is a city gal, born and raised in Calgary Alberta,she has lived in the big city for 32 years of her life,try to picture the culture shock and general shock of leaving a big noisy fast paced city of 1.2 million people and moving to the outskirts of a small village with less than 500 people,where the only noise is cows mooing or coyotes howling! there is a small bar here, always dead except for friday nights when all the rowdy young farm boys come to town to drink gamble and swap stories about who has the biggest baddest truck in these here parts, the village also has a gas station which doubles as the local liquor store,convenience store,and greyhound bus stop ( though the bus rarely stops here), there is also a post office( mail arrives around 10:30am and gets sorted sometime before 4pm (closing time), there is an Anglican church,a hockey rink with a small curling rink attached, and a school that goes from kinder-garden to grade 8 (the kids have to bus it to the city to attend high school) and thats about it.

My wife misses the city life,she misses the transit system,she misses the large crowds and multiple shopping stores and malls,and after 6 years out here in the country she is still blind to all the beauty and freedom and safety that comes with living out here, I know if I ever hit the lottery or sold our property she would demand to move back to the stinking crime ridden big city.

I am hurt, wounded,and now uncertain of my future,our sons future, I am saddened by the fact that we live in an almost paradise and my wife is blind to it and doesnt want to be here at all, yes the winters here in Saskatchewan are brutal, minus 40 degrees and over 6 feet of snow are the normal here in winter, and they are long winters too, 6 months straight, last winter it was 7 months straight! even I get fed up with the winters, but I always stop and think we usually get 6 months of hot summer too so it balances out.

Overall it is like a personal utopia here that Ive spent 6 years building for my wife and son, you wont see deer or moose in your yard in the middle of the city, you dont hear the coyotes sing their lonesome songs,nor hear the bull frogs and crickets, you cant tame down a raccoon in the city and have your morning coffee out on the deck wearing nothing but a tee shirt and boxers without a neighbor bitching, in the city you can only have as many hobbies/toys as your garage or parking space will allow, here in the country we have all kinds of toys, a camper, 3 vehicles, a pair of off road bikes a snowmobile etc, good luck using half that crap in the city never mind trying to park it all, here you can walk for miles and breathe fresh flower scented air, the folks are friendly and actually stop and talk to you, try leaving your car, garage and house unlocked over night or while your out in the city, cant do it or youd be robbed blind, here you can and we often do as do most others in the village.

Here in the country you can sit out and watch the stars and actually see them, all of them, cant do that in the city,the bright lights blind the stars,thunder storms are awesome out here in the country,scary and invigorating at the same time, most of the storms are lost in the cities, hard to watch the lightening show when theres a hundred story skyscraper blocking your view.

here our kid is free to roam where ever he pleases,everyone knows him and if he gets into mischief ,we know about it before he gets home and can deal with it, cant let your kid have that kind of freedom in the city, no shootings stabbings robbery in the country, all that and more in the city.

Im hurt because we have worked hard to get ourselves out here so our son could be free and so we could get away from the crime found in the cities, I dont wish to give what we have up just to have multiple shopping options, we can drive to the city for a day of shopping without having to actually live there.

I am pretty sure I would whither up and eventually die of a broken heart if I had to move back to a city, our son feels the same, yet my wife doesnt seem to care, she wants the city and is not happy here at all, I am caught between a rock and a hard place, and hope that her and I can resolve this, the negativity is killing me.


guess thats all for now

Butch
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Let me talk about my Wife then and now

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was 17 years ago but seems just like yesterday.

it truly was and is a fairy tale romance, it was also love at first sight, see she is just so much more than my wife, she is also my soul mate, yes that may sound cliche’ but it’s true, if you are fortunate enough to meet your soul mate you WILL know, your very soul cries out for joy.

back to the fairy tale , the first time I saw her she was just 15 years old, my car crapped out in front of her house, I had a friend with me and while fixing the car I glanced up and saw a blonde angel working in the flower garden, I didn’t know it then but our paths were destined to cross a bit later in life, I made an off handed comment to my friend that someday I was going to marry that girl there, my friend laughed and commented about jail bait, I chuckled at hys comments but something deep within me knew that the girl in the flower garden would someday be my wife.

Fast forward 7 years, the girl in the garden was a mere faded memory, I ran an ad in the local paper for a queer friendly room mate, male, female, somewhere in between, didn’t matter as long as they could pay their share. a couple days pass and I get a knock on the door, I open the door and damn near had a heart attack, there at the door stood that angel from the garden 7 years ago! my heart soared and my soul cried for joy, I rented her the room in a heart beat.

I was dumbstruck and afraid to say or do anything to scare her, I didn’t make a pass flirt or do anything except cook fabulous dinners for her, about 3 months into having her as a room mate, she out of the blue planted a kiss on my lips… and yes my knees did buckle, at that moment we went from room mates to dating.

Now let it be known I am not a hopeless romantic, I am awkward and clumsy and not always sure of myself….she had to initiate the first moves, she had to initiate the bedroom etc. I was never good with dating and was and am not a player, I’m actually quite quiet and reserved.

But she had me hook line and sinker, I’d do anything for her, thankfully she likes the simple things in life.

The government listed us as common law 6 months into our relationship, we made it legal after being together just over 1 year, our anniversary is February 14th…believe it or not that is pure coincidence , it wasn’t planned, it just happened.

we talked about having a kid, I knew damn well that I wasn’t going to be a Mom, it’s just not in me to be THAT kind of parent, nope I am way to Butch to even entertain such a thought ( read chicken shit into that) 4 years into our marriage I figured out and arranged (with her consent) for her to get pregnant, no fuss no muss no strings attached, it was fast easy and didn’t cost a dime.

9 months later my wife gave birth to a 8lb baby boy, who I nick named Hammy (Hamster) Now my wife is a great Mom, she certainly was born to be a Mom, and our son looks just like her, he has my temper though lol, our son grew up calling me Dad, now at age 12 he still calls me Dad.

My wife is such an amazing woman, she is very passionate about life, she is a very kind caring person, the type who hugs strangers upon meeting them, she is a person that people want to open up too, she was a daycare teacher for 16 years and just last year decided to switch careers and become a cook…and she did.

I have had 17 glorious , wonderful, passionate years with her, and everyday I wake up, thank God, and fall in love with her all over again.

Now things have changed in our lives, I still fall in love every day with her, I now pray to God for 1 more day with her, I’m a deeply devoted hersband , I stopped working this year to take care of my Wife, you see she has stage 4 lung cancer, it’s a rare aggressive cancer called synovial sarcoma, there is no cure, at most she has 3 months to a year left, and I will be at her side all the way to the bitter end

Gone are the days of her laughter , our camping and hiking trips, our special time together, gone is the twinkle in her eyes and her mischievous smirk, now it’s a struggle for her to breathe, the color has faded from her skin and she has a profound sadness about her.

I do what I can for her, administer her meds, make sure her oxygen is flowing, bathe her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and tell her it’s okay to let go, that Hammy and I will be ok.

It’s just so hard, she turned 40 in January, she was full of life then, excited about our summer vacation plans, that all changed abruptly in less than 2 months. it’s not right, my wife never ever smoked, never drank, never did drugs and she gets struck down by an insidious cancer.

I’m sorry I have to stop here for now, the pain and heart ache I feel is just too much, I will continue in another post as soon as I can.



Do me a favor, hug your loved ones and express your love for them often

Butch
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my wife is gone to God now

it is with a shattered soul that i write this, my Beautiful wife passed awayy last night i was fortunate to be at her side to the end, please pray for her and for our son i am beyond broken i loved her with all my heart and soul and it wasnt enough to save her please remember my wife for the beautiful person she was

please remember her like this my beautiful darling wife

butch
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Sorry Unicef and other Charities my charity stays local

I know this post will probably upset some folks,but just read the WHOLE thing before reacting.

For decades Charities like Unicef and Christian Childrens Funds and a thousand more charities have been shlepping photos of hungry children in foreign countries (usually Africa,Uganda,Somalia etc.)and hey I am all for saving children, as a parent the pictures really do tug at my heart, almost every charity in North America is geared towards feeding, housing, and schools in foreign countries..... BUT!!! wait.... What about the millions of hungry children and families living so far below the "government standard poverty line" right here in our own back yards? ( North America ....USA & Canada) where is all the charities for our own folks? why are they not on tv and in the news print ? why are all the Celebrities quick to jump on the foreign aid band wagon yet turn their backs on their own (North Americans?)

Why in 2 super power countries (USA and Canada) are there millions of children that are going hungry? why are there so many children and families in North America who are homeless? why are there millions of children in North America who are NOT going to have any sort of Christmas? WHY is NO ONE doing anything about this?

Yes we have the Salvation Army and YMCA/YWCA, and Food Banks, they can only do so much with limited resources, how many of you donate to any of these ? be it money, food, clothing,time? ...thought so. Unicef and the big business charities funnel your money to other countries, and how much of that money is actually going where it is needed? yet no one funnels money time and resources into helping the less fortunate on a local level.....why is that?

Just think about that a moment... chances are you DO know someone who is struggling to make ends meet, goes hungry or is nearly homeless, could be a friend, co worker, classmate,neighbor,relative,maybe even YOU! most people in need wont admit it to friends or family.

so what can you do? what DO you do? what will you do?

I understand the children in Africa and other countries need help, but do the math here, millions if not billions of dollars are going out every year to foreign aid from more than just North America, every developed country or most of them send aid to these countries,makes me seriously question just where the HELL is all that money going?? these charities collect more money on a daily basis than any person in North America can make in a year!! so where does the money go? why is Africa still poor? they should be living like kings with all the charity money they get!

yet less than a tenth of the sum total of foreign aid money gets donated towards our local charities, even less to our food banks and even less still to help fight homelessness in North America. think about that.

Think about that as you sit down with your friends and family this Christmas, how many North Americans will NOT be having Christmas.

Butch
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