Then and now just thoughts on life

I have been reading a few blogs, actually many blogs from around the world, it really hits home when I read that LGBTQ folks in places outside Canada do not have the same rights and freedoms that I now take for granted.
We didn’t always have equality here, back in the 1980’s and early 1990’s I was there marching along side everyone else striving for equality and justice for all regardless of sexual orientation or gender.

It truly saddens me when I read of other countries that deny basic human rights and freedoms to LGBTQ folks, it saddens me even more when they use Religion as an excuse to discriminate against others, they can hide behind their Bibles, but it is just a front for Homophobia.

All this makes me glad to be a Canadian, my generation and those before me do know and understand the fight it took to get us to where we are at now, sadly the younger generations have no idea about their history, ask any youngun about Stone Wall and most will gaze back at you blankly (yes even up in Canada we know about Stone Wall)

So anyway our collective histories from around the globe, those who still struggle and fight for equality and those who are blessed to have found their equality kind of made me start thinking of my life, not just the distant past , but currently and a wee bit into the future, it got me thinking about how I view others and how we are viewed, about how we live our lives now.

Back in the day when I was still fighting for my rights and wanting to be treated as an equal to everyone else, I was “out and proud” I mean I pretty much advertised my sexuality, I showed disdain for anyone who objected to me being queer, I owned the word queer and every time someone yelled Queer at me , I’d yell Damn Right and Proud right back, I made no bones about it at work either, personally I think my employers were both amused and frightened of me hahaha

Now I am here , 2014, I have my rights freedoms and equality, I am legally married to the woman of my dreams, together we are raising a kid, and really my life has become for the lack of a better term…. normal!
My life and family quite literally mirror your average heterosexual family and I am not sure if I should be happy about that or worried? I mean I and millions of others got exactly what we fought for…. equality, now what?

I mean 10 to 15 years ago I took nothing for granted and I always stood out from the crowds, now I blend in and pretty much take everything in life for granted, I live in a country where being anything other than heterosexual is considered perfectly normal, we are your typical family next door and people in this village of 500 folks treat us as such, I wonder if they would have done the same oh let’s say 20 years ago?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the country I live in , but I wonder is this it? all that fighting and protesting and educating for this? what was I expecting? I got exactly what I wanted and still wonder …is this it?

My fight is pretty much over, I fit in now and have all my human rights and equality, however that doesn’t mean I can stop being active and grow complacent, the LGB folks may have won, but the Trans gendered folks haven’t yet won, are we as a society just going to leave these folks to fight on their own? or are we all willing to take a stand and fight for EVERYONE, no person left behind.

The suicide attempts and successes are among the highest in the Trans gendered community, a staggering 46% will attempt to end their lives, and even if just one succeeds, that’s too many, everyone straight and gay, feminist or not must rally and come together to help the Transgendered community gain their rights and freedoms.
if we sit back and do nothing to help, we are then by our very nature no better than those who objectify and oppress the Transgendered community.

for those of you who now take your rights and freedoms for granted, don’t ever forget your roots, and do not allow the trans gendered to be oppressed, we are all one , united we stand and united we fall , just think about it sometime, your actions and words may just mean the difference between life and death for someone else, like wise, your inaction may have dire consequences for someone.

I’ll step off my soap box now, I didn’t mean to have the blog post turn out the way it did, it started off as a simple way back when and now post , then sort of took on a life of it’s own.

Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted and be kind to others

Butch
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Let me talk about my Wife then and now

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was 17 years ago but seems just like yesterday.

it truly was and is a fairy tale romance, it was also love at first sight, see she is just so much more than my wife, she is also my soul mate, yes that may sound cliche’ but it’s true, if you are fortunate enough to meet your soul mate you WILL know, your very soul cries out for joy.

back to the fairy tale , the first time I saw her she was just 15 years old, my car crapped out in front of her house, I had a friend with me and while fixing the car I glanced up and saw a blonde angel working in the flower garden, I didn’t know it then but our paths were destined to cross a bit later in life, I made an off handed comment to my friend that someday I was going to marry that girl there, my friend laughed and commented about jail bait, I chuckled at hys comments but something deep within me knew that the girl in the flower garden would someday be my wife.

Fast forward 7 years, the girl in the garden was a mere faded memory, I ran an ad in the local paper for a queer friendly room mate, male, female, somewhere in between, didn’t matter as long as they could pay their share. a couple days pass and I get a knock on the door, I open the door and damn near had a heart attack, there at the door stood that angel from the garden 7 years ago! my heart soared and my soul cried for joy, I rented her the room in a heart beat.

I was dumbstruck and afraid to say or do anything to scare her, I didn’t make a pass flirt or do anything except cook fabulous dinners for her, about 3 months into having her as a room mate, she out of the blue planted a kiss on my lips… and yes my knees did buckle, at that moment we went from room mates to dating.

Now let it be known I am not a hopeless romantic, I am awkward and clumsy and not always sure of myself….she had to initiate the first moves, she had to initiate the bedroom etc. I was never good with dating and was and am not a player, I’m actually quite quiet and reserved.

But she had me hook line and sinker, I’d do anything for her, thankfully she likes the simple things in life.

The government listed us as common law 6 months into our relationship, we made it legal after being together just over 1 year, our anniversary is February 14th…believe it or not that is pure coincidence , it wasn’t planned, it just happened.

we talked about having a kid, I knew damn well that I wasn’t going to be a Mom, it’s just not in me to be THAT kind of parent, nope I am way to Butch to even entertain such a thought ( read chicken shit into that) 4 years into our marriage I figured out and arranged (with her consent) for her to get pregnant, no fuss no muss no strings attached, it was fast easy and didn’t cost a dime.

9 months later my wife gave birth to a 8lb baby boy, who I nick named Hammy (Hamster) Now my wife is a great Mom, she certainly was born to be a Mom, and our son looks just like her, he has my temper though lol, our son grew up calling me Dad, now at age 12 he still calls me Dad.

My wife is such an amazing woman, she is very passionate about life, she is a very kind caring person, the type who hugs strangers upon meeting them, she is a person that people want to open up too, she was a daycare teacher for 16 years and just last year decided to switch careers and become a cook…and she did.

I have had 17 glorious , wonderful, passionate years with her, and everyday I wake up, thank God, and fall in love with her all over again.

Now things have changed in our lives, I still fall in love every day with her, I now pray to God for 1 more day with her, I’m a deeply devoted hersband , I stopped working this year to take care of my Wife, you see she has stage 4 lung cancer, it’s a rare aggressive cancer called synovial sarcoma, there is no cure, at most she has 3 months to a year left, and I will be at her side all the way to the bitter end

Gone are the days of her laughter , our camping and hiking trips, our special time together, gone is the twinkle in her eyes and her mischievous smirk, now it’s a struggle for her to breathe, the color has faded from her skin and she has a profound sadness about her.

I do what I can for her, administer her meds, make sure her oxygen is flowing, bathe her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and tell her it’s okay to let go, that Hammy and I will be ok.

It’s just so hard, she turned 40 in January, she was full of life then, excited about our summer vacation plans, that all changed abruptly in less than 2 months. it’s not right, my wife never ever smoked, never drank, never did drugs and she gets struck down by an insidious cancer.

I’m sorry I have to stop here for now, the pain and heart ache I feel is just too much, I will continue in another post as soon as I can.



Do me a favor, hug your loved ones and express your love for them often

Butch
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