Just call me Captain Paranoid but I’m not the only one

Okay, I know at least 1 of you also do this, have done this, or knows someone who does it….. I am talking about putting a piece of duct tape over the built in camera, and putting a cotton ball then a piece of duct tape over the micro phone …. Crazy? ya maybe, but at least no SOB can remotely turn on my camera , or tap into any conversations that I regularly have with myself or the cat or sometimes with my Wife!

Call me Captain Paranoid, but I read about webcams being hacked all the time and I take no chances, I have my fire walls, my anti virus, my mal ware detectors, my anti spy programs I use a secure wireless service that I can turn off and on myself and still it all comes down to cotton balls and duct tape, and not just any duct tape, but specifically black duct tape.

So to answer the burning question…. no I don’t skype , nor do I do any other sort of video chat, hell I don’t use any messenger services like MSN or Yahoo, AOL etc. I avoid using the Explorer browser like the plague and regularly switch back and forth between 2 browsers that shall remain un named, but rest assured both use a multi layered security system, you’d have to steal my cell phone to crack the browsers or various sites I use, and I can assure you, unless you’re bullet proof, you’re not getting my phone.

Why do I do all this ? because I have been online with various computers since before the world wide web was created, back when all we had to connect to each other were BBS boards ( Google it, it’s kinda hard to explain to anyone born after windows 3.11 was created !) , in that time I have learned to not trust the world wide web, nor the people on it, hackers and even amateurs,kids etc can and will exploit any flaw in any operating system given the chance, I’ve had computers go into a full on nuclear melt down due to hackers back in the early days , I am a well seasoned veteran of the computer age , I have learned to expect the unexpected, don’t take a half assed approach to security, either go all in balls out or get out of the pool because some jackwagon will ruin your day with a hack attack or virus, or worse yet, turn your computer into the jackwagon’s personal file download storage space, and guess what is most likely being put on your computer?? Shit that will get you 20 to 30 years in a Federal penn that’s what!

You’re double screwed if the jackwagon downloads files that can land you in the Penn, and then the Hacker Group Anonymous get’s into your hard drive and not only posts those files online, but they also post your IP address, your location, your name, everything about you for the world to see, so now not only is the law up your ass…you are likely to get your ass lynched by a street flash mob , and it is on YOU to prove your innocence and it’s on YOU to prove you did not download those files. Good friggin luck with all that buddy!

So call me Captain Paranoid , but I call it playing safe while online .

So now that I just freaked myself out, I’m off to thoroughly scan my computer and watch a couple movies with my wife.

Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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Just a mid afternoon quickie

This is unusual for me to be posting in the middle of the day, however here I am and here I go…

So this morning I took my Wife into the city , to the Hospital to be exact, for her 8th round of Chemo, I think this is it, as in I think she is done with Chemo after this, however the last time I said that the Doc switched his mind and told her she would receive another couple rounds….. we shall see. … So now it is just me and the kidlet for the next 72 hours , being as he is in school and it’s raining buckets here, I am left stuck in the house being mauled by 4 evil kittens while their Mom looks on contentedly.

So my sister Bon Bon (just a nick name I gave her when we were kids) really came through for me yesterday, remember my post about me being a Bone Head? where I lost my temper and trashed my laptop by throwing it across the room??…yes I was pretty stupid. Anyway a friend of mine loaned me an older net book, it was slow as molasses in January but worked well enough for me to at least get around the interwebz and to be able to blog, So my wonderful baby sister has a friend that works at a home/furniture rental place that usually writes off any damaged goods that get returned, My sisters friend said she had a gateway laptop in perfect working order, but there was a couple small scratches on the screen, My sister told her that I would be interested in it and so it goes, I went and met my sisters friend at her work , told her who I was and that Bon Bon had sent me .

She showed me the laptop, it’s got a 500 gig hard drive, 6.6 gigs of memory(up gradable/expandable ),a gigahertz or what ever the processor speed is called, and has a Windows 8 o/s …. to put it in layman’s terms….the Damn thing is Blazing fast! it downloads crap so fast I can’t even grab a coffee between downloads, I run it on a Bell Mobility wireless turbo stick , which is also blazing fast , I am impressed! the best part is , I only paid 80 Bucks for it!!! (yes you read that right, I said 80 Bucks!! )it is bought and paid for nothing owing yada yada yada.

It has a thousand programs that I have no clue what they do or are for, so I have been clicking on one here and there just to check it out, 99% I’ll probably never use, but eh they are there just the same, the first thing I did was go in and turn off all the apps, I don’t like apps or programs that collect info and share with God knows who so I turn ‘em off.

I’m no computer geek (or else I’d know what each program did), I am just a self taught computer user who tinkers with the control panels until I achieve the desired results. I’ve been tinkering since the IBM 286 first came out (way back when a 960 baud dial up modem was considered blazing fast lol ) before the interwebz when all there was to connect with others were BBS boards. ….yep we’ve come a long long way since then! my first computer had a whopping 40 megabit hard drive and around 4 megs of memory…. that was a Monster Computer back then, considered one of the best lol

Anyway I have a new laptop, and no I am not gonna get stupid and destroy this one, but with the new laptop comes a couple little annoyances, such as I lost all my pictures, so I will be spending some time off line uploading a couple here and there from my phone and from the camera , some I will just pull off my wife’s face book page and should I need a couple of my kidlet, I’ll raid his face book too lol.

Anyway that’s it for now, I may write about an adventure or two on the rails tonight, we shall see.

Remember folks, express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others

Butch
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“That Kid just ain’t right” or how I put my Dad into a low orbit

I would love to tell you that I started out life being the perfect daughter to my parents….. but that would be a lie, ummm put it this way, my Father was a liberal man who more or less raised me as if he had a son, by age 4 I knew how to take a carburetor off any vehicle (much to the dismay of my Father and a few of his friends), by age 5 I knew every swear word on the planet and if I swore my Dad and his friends would laugh and think it was funny.

My Mother on the other hand was a strict Catholic and tried to make me all prim and proper wear dresses and not swear , do little lady shit etc….. failing that she swore up and down that I was Satan incarnate because I fought with boys, when I was about 7 years old we lived in a small village in the deep south of Saskatchewan it was the early 1970’s and our house had electricity but no plumbing , if you needed a washroom you went out to the outhouse and did your business …… I told you that so you would understand this.

Now I was a Tomboy through and through, Mom didn’t give up on trying to make me wear a dress until I was around 14 (the day I nearly shot her), but that’s another story for a later time …we will call that one an “accident”

Anyway, most of my summers were spent helping Dad in his work shop, now one of Dad’s jobs was to go around the countryside blowing up beaver dams for the farmers and the fish and wildlife folks…. Dad always made his own explosives , depending on the location and size of the dam sometimes he used black powder charges and sometimes he used the old diesel fuel and fertilizer , he always whipped up his batches of explosives in his work shop,which I was always in helping (pestering) him, to keep me amused (out of his hair) he taught me how to make home made fire crackers , they were about equal to your standard cherry bomb, and so it was, I’d be out behind the house blowing shit up with my home made fire crackers, yanno things like my little sisters toys , plastic pails, infact a game of dare stemmed from the plastic pail, the dare was , throw a fire cracker in it then sit bare assed on the bucket and wait for the BANG, a few friends chickened out, but that boy Robbie was short and fat so when he sat on the bucket it kinda sucked itself to his arse ….. no worries though, the fire cracker broke the skin to plastic seal and with a scream he was free…. rolling on the ground holding his nuts….but hey he was free!! and he became the first and only kid to stay on the bucket to the bitter end, he was the school hero, even if he did walk funny for a few days.

By the way… my Mom whupped my ass for that, turns out I could have made it so Robbie couldn’t have kids when he grew up ….hmmmm who thinks of that during a game of dare?? christ that was the first time I ever seen a boys junk and I had no friggin clue what it did or was supposed to do I was just a kid! …. and yes to make it even I dropped my drawers and let him look at my junk fair is fair after all (and yes Mom whupped me for that too cuz apparently girls don’t show their privates to boys….ever. )

So anyways summer came and went and I grew another year older but was just as sweet and innocent as ever when this happened…………..

I had learned how to build a better bomb (by helping my Dad)….one fine day for what ever reason that eludes me now, I thought it would be fun to throw a fire cracker into the out house…. so I did…….. NOTHING!! I must have thrown about a half dozen down the hole with the same result… Nothing, nada, zip, not even a poof!!

Didn’t take me long to figure out the firecrackers wouldn’t go off because they were wet , hence the black powder was wet as was the fuse etc…. NOT one to give up (my Daddy taught me persistance pays off, he always said never give up if at first you don’t succeed try try again), I went around behind the out house and dug a small hole between the wall and the shit hole, I “accidently” took one of my Dad’s half sticks of black powder explosives ( about the strength of a quarter stick of dynamite) I tied a length of baling twine around it and pushed it through the little hole I made, I let it down into the hole slowly so the fuse wouldn’t come out or tangle and as soon as I heard it touch the goo in the shit hole ( a little plop) I tacked the twine so it wouldn’t sink, I had just lit the fuse when my Father came out of the house…….

I high tailed it for the hedges and hid in them , thinking Dad would be headed for his work shop and I knew he would be angry with me when that explosive of his went off, too late now though……..and Dad went into the outhouse and not his work shop!!

What happened next happened in slow motion, but was over in less than a second…… Dad was in the out house taking a crap…. the explosive was down in the hole……..the fuse was burning….after what seemed like forever there was a THUNDEROUS KABOOM !!! the out house launched a good 5 to 10 feet straight up into the air with my Dad in it, and when it landed a few feet away the door flew off it’s hinges some boards flew off the walls and the roof fell in a bit…….. my poor Father was still in the sitting position, pants around his ankles and a blank distant stare on his face…his cigarette was still in his mouth too…

By this time I was thinking I killed my Daddy , but he wobbled to his feet pulled up his pants and walked right past me without so much as a single word……Dad spent a couple hours just sitting at the kitchen table with Mom and at supper he didn’t say a word , he didn’t talk to anyone …. looking back in hind sight he was probably plotting my demise, Mom didn’t even speak to me, but her eyes shot daggers at me……. it took Dad a week before he came looking for my ass, and yes he whupped me really good!!

My Dad had a permanent nervous tick above his right eye that stayed with him right up until he passed away in 1999 , and everytime he heard a car backfire he’d nearly jump out of his skin….. I can’t imagine why!?!?

So that’s all for tonight, now you know that I was THAT kid and looking back..I do understand why I am the Black Sheep of the family, and that’s okay , I know my family loves me, they just don’t trust me lol

Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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Then and now just thoughts on life

I have been reading a few blogs, actually many blogs from around the world, it really hits home when I read that LGBTQ folks in places outside Canada do not have the same rights and freedoms that I now take for granted.
We didn’t always have equality here, back in the 1980’s and early 1990’s I was there marching along side everyone else striving for equality and justice for all regardless of sexual orientation or gender.

It truly saddens me when I read of other countries that deny basic human rights and freedoms to LGBTQ folks, it saddens me even more when they use Religion as an excuse to discriminate against others, they can hide behind their Bibles, but it is just a front for Homophobia.

All this makes me glad to be a Canadian, my generation and those before me do know and understand the fight it took to get us to where we are at now, sadly the younger generations have no idea about their history, ask any youngun about Stone Wall and most will gaze back at you blankly (yes even up in Canada we know about Stone Wall)

So anyway our collective histories from around the globe, those who still struggle and fight for equality and those who are blessed to have found their equality kind of made me start thinking of my life, not just the distant past , but currently and a wee bit into the future, it got me thinking about how I view others and how we are viewed, about how we live our lives now.

Back in the day when I was still fighting for my rights and wanting to be treated as an equal to everyone else, I was “out and proud” I mean I pretty much advertised my sexuality, I showed disdain for anyone who objected to me being queer, I owned the word queer and every time someone yelled Queer at me , I’d yell Damn Right and Proud right back, I made no bones about it at work either, personally I think my employers were both amused and frightened of me hahaha

Now I am here , 2014, I have my rights freedoms and equality, I am legally married to the woman of my dreams, together we are raising a kid, and really my life has become for the lack of a better term…. normal!
My life and family quite literally mirror your average heterosexual family and I am not sure if I should be happy about that or worried? I mean I and millions of others got exactly what we fought for…. equality, now what?

I mean 10 to 15 years ago I took nothing for granted and I always stood out from the crowds, now I blend in and pretty much take everything in life for granted, I live in a country where being anything other than heterosexual is considered perfectly normal, we are your typical family next door and people in this village of 500 folks treat us as such, I wonder if they would have done the same oh let’s say 20 years ago?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the country I live in , but I wonder is this it? all that fighting and protesting and educating for this? what was I expecting? I got exactly what I wanted and still wonder …is this it?

My fight is pretty much over, I fit in now and have all my human rights and equality, however that doesn’t mean I can stop being active and grow complacent, the LGB folks may have won, but the Trans gendered folks haven’t yet won, are we as a society just going to leave these folks to fight on their own? or are we all willing to take a stand and fight for EVERYONE, no person left behind.

The suicide attempts and successes are among the highest in the Trans gendered community, a staggering 46% will attempt to end their lives, and even if just one succeeds, that’s too many, everyone straight and gay, feminist or not must rally and come together to help the Transgendered community gain their rights and freedoms.
if we sit back and do nothing to help, we are then by our very nature no better than those who objectify and oppress the Transgendered community.

for those of you who now take your rights and freedoms for granted, don’t ever forget your roots, and do not allow the trans gendered to be oppressed, we are all one , united we stand and united we fall , just think about it sometime, your actions and words may just mean the difference between life and death for someone else, like wise, your inaction may have dire consequences for someone.

I’ll step off my soap box now, I didn’t mean to have the blog post turn out the way it did, it started off as a simple way back when and now post , then sort of took on a life of it’s own.

Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted and be kind to others

Butch
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The House just isn’t a Home when my Wife is absent

Today is the day we (my wife & I) were dreading, Chemo day, my Wife gets upset and cries when ever she has to go in for chemo, partly because it makes her so sick (ironic since it is also what’s keeping her alive) and partly because for the next 3 or 4 days she will be separated from her Family (Hammy and I) as well as her beloved pets ,Sabre (Cat) , Tippy (Cat) , Teddy Bearz (Cat) and Peepster (Cat) and of course Memphis (Big Doofy Dog), and the fact she will be away from her home.

It breaks my heart to see her cry, knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to ease her physical pain or emotional turmoil, I comfort her as best as I can and try to remain positive and strong for her, outwardly I am an emotional rock, but inside I’m dying a thousand deaths knowing my wife suffers so much from Cancer, I want to scream and shout and punch something, anything just to be able to unload the heart ache I feel, knowing that the chemo , at best, is buying my wife a few extra months of life here on earth with us, always praying for a miracle , while also praying that she passes quickly in her sleep so the hurt and pain she feels will cease.

It’s hard on me to see her suffer, to see her struggle to get better so she can see her son graduate, get married, have kids etc. It kills me to know that I can’t fix this, for 17 years with her I have had all the answers, fixed all her problems,stood at her side lovingly through hell and back and through heavenly times too. Now I am at her side to the bitter end, with nothing but pure love and gratefulness, I am so very grateful that she chose to be in my life for the last 17 years, I wish and pray she could be in my life 17 more, but I know that ,that can never happen, a very huge part of me is dying inside.

Yesterday she told me that when she passes, she would want for me to find a companion or at the very least a friend, I told her I could never ever do that, she is my soul mate, I could never find that sort of love and happiness again, no I will remain single, raise our boy to be a fine man,and grow old with my memories of her.

Tonight the house just isn’t a home without my wife here, the atmosphere is different and time passes so slowly, I have to come home every evening because of our boy Hammy, even he notices the subtle changes in the house when she is not here, even the animals notice and react different than usual when she isn’t here.

With that I will say good night, I have opened up as much as I want to do for now, …Remember to express your love often, and never take tomorrow for granted. Peace be with you all

Butch



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Just a Laid Back Day with a Pleasant Surprise

So today is a new day, I slept in and missed Sunday Church services, oh well, I needed the extra sleep badly, besides I talk to my God everyday, silently to myself, I also talk to my wife that way, I have entire conversations in my mind without speaking a single word…. and no my cheese has not slipped off my cracker, I am perfectly sane.

I stumbled out of bed at 10:30 am this morning, ( went to bed around midnight) , made coffee and sat down to answer my emails, and comments here, do some blog surfing , and just gradually wake up, also threw a load of laundry in while I was at it, Hammy , being Hammy was in the kitchen foraging for food (his favorite past time) I wasn’t paying attention and out of the blue he made me a fried egg on toast sandwich …with cheese, what a Pleasant Surprise!! I was NOT expecting that at all! I have to add that it was very nice having someone else cook for me, a very nice change of pace! and Hammy is a good cook too. !

So I am still in my jammies, and doing some house cleaning while Hammy plays video games, he would help with the chores if I asked, but the way I see it, he spends all week at school working hard to pull straight “A”‘s , and he babysits and mows lawns after schools and on weekends, between that he finds a couple hours to spend with his friends, so he rarely plays video games now that summer is upon us, so I figure he can play an entire day of video games on a lazy sunday ( seeing the weather is cool and rainy) , and I can do the chores myself at my own pace , my own way.

so that’s it for now, I am working on a blog post in my mind, just sorting everything out and will post it this evening, in the mean time, y’all have a great day and Remember Folks: express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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