My Mother on the other hand was a strict Catholic and tried to make me all prim and proper wear dresses and not swear , do little lady shit etc….. failing that she swore up and down that I was Satan incarnate because I fought with boys, when I was about 7 years old we lived in a small village in the deep south of Saskatchewan it was the early 1970’s and our house had electricity but no plumbing , if you needed a washroom you went out to the outhouse and did your business …… I told you that so you would understand this.
Now I was a Tomboy through and through, Mom didn’t give up on trying to make me wear a dress until I was around 14 (the day I nearly shot her), but that’s another story for a later time …we will call that one an “accident”
Anyway, most of my summers were spent helping Dad in his work shop, now one of Dad’s jobs was to go around the countryside blowing up beaver dams for the farmers and the fish and wildlife folks…. Dad always made his own explosives , depending on the location and size of the dam sometimes he used black powder charges and sometimes he used the old diesel fuel and fertilizer , he always whipped up his batches of explosives in his work shop,which I was always in helping (pestering) him, to keep me amused (out of his hair) he taught me how to make home made fire crackers , they were about equal to your standard cherry bomb, and so it was, I’d be out behind the house blowing shit up with my home made fire crackers, yanno things like my little sisters toys , plastic pails, infact a game of dare stemmed from the plastic pail, the dare was , throw a fire cracker in it then sit bare assed on the bucket and wait for the BANG, a few friends chickened out, but that boy Robbie was short and fat so when he sat on the bucket it kinda sucked itself to his arse ….. no worries though, the fire cracker broke the skin to plastic seal and with a scream he was free…. rolling on the ground holding his nuts….but hey he was free!! and he became the first and only kid to stay on the bucket to the bitter end, he was the school hero, even if he did walk funny for a few days.
By the way… my Mom whupped my ass for that, turns out I could have made it so Robbie couldn’t have kids when he grew up ….hmmmm who thinks of that during a game of dare?? christ that was the first time I ever seen a boys junk and I had no friggin clue what it did or was supposed to do I was just a kid! …. and yes to make it even I dropped my drawers and let him look at my junk fair is fair after all (and yes Mom whupped me for that too cuz apparently girls don’t show their privates to boys….ever. )
So anyways summer came and went and I grew another year older but was just as sweet and innocent as ever when this happened…………..
I had learned how to build a better bomb (by helping my Dad)….one fine day for what ever reason that eludes me now, I thought it would be fun to throw a fire cracker into the out house…. so I did…….. NOTHING!! I must have thrown about a half dozen down the hole with the same result… Nothing, nada, zip, not even a poof!!
Didn’t take me long to figure out the firecrackers wouldn’t go off because they were wet , hence the black powder was wet as was the fuse etc…. NOT one to give up (my Daddy taught me persistance pays off, he always said never give up if at first you don’t succeed try try again), I went around behind the out house and dug a small hole between the wall and the shit hole, I “accidently” took one of my Dad’s half sticks of black powder explosives ( about the strength of a quarter stick of dynamite) I tied a length of baling twine around it and pushed it through the little hole I made, I let it down into the hole slowly so the fuse wouldn’t come out or tangle and as soon as I heard it touch the goo in the shit hole ( a little plop) I tacked the twine so it wouldn’t sink, I had just lit the fuse when my Father came out of the house…….
I high tailed it for the hedges and hid in them , thinking Dad would be headed for his work shop and I knew he would be angry with me when that explosive of his went off, too late now though……..and Dad went into the outhouse and not his work shop!!
What happened next happened in slow motion, but was over in less than a second…… Dad was in the out house taking a crap…. the explosive was down in the hole……..the fuse was burning….after what seemed like forever there was a THUNDEROUS KABOOM !!! the out house launched a good 5 to 10 feet straight up into the air with my Dad in it, and when it landed a few feet away the door flew off it’s hinges some boards flew off the walls and the roof fell in a bit…….. my poor Father was still in the sitting position, pants around his ankles and a blank distant stare on his face…his cigarette was still in his mouth too…
By this time I was thinking I killed my Daddy , but he wobbled to his feet pulled up his pants and walked right past me without so much as a single word……Dad spent a couple hours just sitting at the kitchen table with Mom and at supper he didn’t say a word , he didn’t talk to anyone …. looking back in hind sight he was probably plotting my demise, Mom didn’t even speak to me, but her eyes shot daggers at me……. it took Dad a week before he came looking for my ass, and yes he whupped me really good!!
My Dad had a permanent nervous tick above his right eye that stayed with him right up until he passed away in 1999 , and everytime he heard a car backfire he’d nearly jump out of his skin….. I can’t imagine why!?!?
So that’s all for tonight, now you know that I was THAT kid and looking back..I do understand why I am the Black Sheep of the family, and that’s okay , I know my family loves me, they just don’t trust me lol
Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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