Our relationship was based on Honesty,Trust,Respect,Love,Friendship and Faith in each other and in God, really pretty simple , but i’ll go into some detail in hopes of this post being helpful to those in Love or just falling in love.
First I have to say this: who ever told you a relationship is 50/50 is so full of shit their eyes should be brown! The simple and honest truth is , a relationship is 100/100, you each give your all 100% or you give nothing and the relationship eventually fails …. simple concept, sometimes hard to practice, but always must be done.
Our relationship worked so well because she was not just my wife and soulmate, she was also my very best friend, and I, hers. We were always Honest with each other in all things, past, present and yes even future, sometimes the truth hurts and it is easier to turn a deaf ear, but that solves nothing and can only make whatever it is worse in the long run.
We Trusted each other in all things, from going our own ways to hang with friends and do whatever, to our own alone times, there was never a shadow of doubt between us, we trusted each other’s judgements and decisions, we trusted each other to never do anything to betray the other.
We Respected each other, we respected our differences and our likenesses, we respected each others decisions and choices, we respected each others morals and values, and learned to merge both our morals and values into 1 shared belief, we never asked each other to compromise those morals and values either, we also respected our own selves.
We were crazy in Love with each other, and ourselves (you have to love and respect yourself before you can honestly love and respect another) , we kept the Romance alive, from doing the old flowers and chocolates, to taking up ballroom dancing to a simple country walk, we romanced the hell out of each other every day, not a morning went by that I didn’t say good morning my Love, and not a night went by that I didn’t say good night my Love, and in between morning and night, no matter if we were in the same room or in different places, I always sent her at least 2 texts everyday, the texts simply read : I Love You xoxoxo and she did the same.
We shared our Faith in God with each other, that doesn’t mean we were “Religious” just means we Believed in God, and I still do, yes we went to church, perhaps not as often as we maybe should have, but we went none the less, most often we just sat and talked about God and sometimes read the Bible (no I can’t quote it so don’t ask) , but just sitting in a room acknowledging God is pretty much having Church , just without the Bertha Better Than You’s and the Gassy old Ladies who smelled like Vicks Vaporub.
We maintained our friendship with each other by doing fun things together , those were our play times, from bike riding to off roading in the Mighty Bronco (dubbed the Blue Meanie), to building snow forts , to going to the movies, to marshmallow roasts in the backyard, to late night bonfires and star gazing and so much more.
like any normal couple, we had our arguments and disagreements, but we never let either escalate into shouting matches or worse, when we disagreed we would each state our point of view, didn’t matter who went first, all that mattered was that we Listened to each other’s view and asked questions of each other ( a quick way to de escalate an argument is to listen and ask questions), the key here is self control, check your voice and tone before asking a question, don’t ask leading questions, or baited questions, or sarcastic ones either, just calmly in a nice voice ask a question. We strived to find a solution to whatever the issue was that was mutually beneficial, there is always a solution if you just stop, listen and think.
At the end of the discussion we always hugged each other and just held each other, and re enforced our love for each other, we never ever in 18 years went to bed angry with each other. This also goes hand in hand with Compromising, since you can’t always have everything your way, you must be willing to compromise, for instance my wife was big into “chick flicks” like the notebook, you’ve got mail, salmon berries,Juno,Ghost, the bucket list, etc… stuff that made me want to gouge out my eyes, I’d rather have the fleas from a thousand camels infest my underoos than watch a chick flick…. but I compromised, and suffered through them so the next movie night we could watch a Horror movie or my favorite WWII movie or a sci fi movie … and remember this, pay attention to the chick flick because you can bet your ass there will be a quiz after the movie… she will want to discuss her favorite moments…. pay attention and know what she is going on about or your name is mud with a Capital M and you WILL pay…. maybe not right away, but maybe 5 years from now…. women don’t get even right away , they save it for later …. much much later, and get you when you least expect it!
We also kept the “spice” in our marriage, tried new things, we had fun spice, where there was often just a lot of playing and joking and giggles, we had passion, where the spice was deeper than physical, it went all the way down to each others soul’s, we had adventurous spice, new places, taking risks, the backseat of the car at a drive in, along side the highway in the middle of the day, our spice wasn’t confined to the bedroom, only our passionate spice was confined to the bedroom, it was our private most sacred of spice.
We flirted with each other constantly, in public too, be walking through a grocery store and I’d start cracking jokes with cucumbers , I’d pinch her butt randomly, simply wink at her , trace little patterns on her leg with my finger while driving, play footsie under the restaurant table.
I thanked her from time to time for choosing and being with me, I mean come on , there are 7 Billion+ people on the planet ….and she chose ME! pretty humbling when you put it into perspective.
And lastly, every night before I went to sleep, I quietly thanked God for another day with her, and every morning I thanked him again for sending me an Angel.
This is pretty much why our relationship worked so well, I hope this post helps you in someway .
So Remember Folks:Express your love often, Never take tomorrow for granted, and Be kind to others.
Butch
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