Just call me Captain Paranoid but I’m not the only one

Okay, I know at least 1 of you also do this, have done this, or knows someone who does it….. I am talking about putting a piece of duct tape over the built in camera, and putting a cotton ball then a piece of duct tape over the micro phone …. Crazy? ya maybe, but at least no SOB can remotely turn on my camera , or tap into any conversations that I regularly have with myself or the cat or sometimes with my Wife!

Call me Captain Paranoid, but I read about webcams being hacked all the time and I take no chances, I have my fire walls, my anti virus, my mal ware detectors, my anti spy programs I use a secure wireless service that I can turn off and on myself and still it all comes down to cotton balls and duct tape, and not just any duct tape, but specifically black duct tape.

So to answer the burning question…. no I don’t skype , nor do I do any other sort of video chat, hell I don’t use any messenger services like MSN or Yahoo, AOL etc. I avoid using the Explorer browser like the plague and regularly switch back and forth between 2 browsers that shall remain un named, but rest assured both use a multi layered security system, you’d have to steal my cell phone to crack the browsers or various sites I use, and I can assure you, unless you’re bullet proof, you’re not getting my phone.

Why do I do all this ? because I have been online with various computers since before the world wide web was created, back when all we had to connect to each other were BBS boards ( Google it, it’s kinda hard to explain to anyone born after windows 3.11 was created !) , in that time I have learned to not trust the world wide web, nor the people on it, hackers and even amateurs,kids etc can and will exploit any flaw in any operating system given the chance, I’ve had computers go into a full on nuclear melt down due to hackers back in the early days , I am a well seasoned veteran of the computer age , I have learned to expect the unexpected, don’t take a half assed approach to security, either go all in balls out or get out of the pool because some jackwagon will ruin your day with a hack attack or virus, or worse yet, turn your computer into the jackwagon’s personal file download storage space, and guess what is most likely being put on your computer?? Shit that will get you 20 to 30 years in a Federal penn that’s what!

You’re double screwed if the jackwagon downloads files that can land you in the Penn, and then the Hacker Group Anonymous get’s into your hard drive and not only posts those files online, but they also post your IP address, your location, your name, everything about you for the world to see, so now not only is the law up your ass…you are likely to get your ass lynched by a street flash mob , and it is on YOU to prove your innocence and it’s on YOU to prove you did not download those files. Good friggin luck with all that buddy!

So call me Captain Paranoid , but I call it playing safe while online .

So now that I just freaked myself out, I’m off to thoroughly scan my computer and watch a couple movies with my wife.

Remember folks, express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
easy wood projects to build

Read More..

Valentine’s Day has lost it’s luster… at least for me

Today is Valentine’s day , it should be a day of great happiness, joy and love, it should be a time when all single folks spend their time with friends or family making memories, it should be a time when lovers profess their love to each other, it should be a time when families openly show their love to each other, it should be a day where you know you are truly loved.

Today would have been our 18th year Anniversary, it was supposed to be a day in which we had our own tradition, today is the 1 day of the year I would have refrained from saying NO to any wish or desire that my wife may have had (and she has had some doozies over the years), Today is the day that I would have spent granting every wish and going to great lengths to profess my love to her.

Today is the day that I would have had reservations at her favorite 5 start restaurant, today is the day our house would have been filled with flowers, today is the day I would have romanced the jinkers out of her, today is the day we would have went dancing.

Today was our day, it would have been our Anniversary, Today is the day I would have gotten down on one knee , opened a small box with a jewelry trinket of some sort and proposed to her yet again for the 18th Time, a tradition I have done every year with her, my way of saying Darling, I loved you from the very start and as each year passes my love for you only grows stronger and deeper, you are even more beautiful now as the day we first met, and Darling, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing, I love you more than life itself.

This Valentines day all I have is a deep sense of loss, my Heart aches and I weep tears of deep sorrow and loneliness, all I have left are memories of a happier time. I force a smile as the memories flow, I weep as I watch families out for a nice morning walk, I miss her, no Today is now just another day now, and will forever be.

Today is hard on Hammy too, today is the day he would have given her a homemade card that he made in art class at school, today is the day he would have kissed his Mom on the cheek and told her just how much he loved her, today is the day he would have strived and gone the extra mile to make her happy, to do as she asked without question or thought, today is the day he would have catered to her every whim,today is the day where he would have shared in the feelings of love, today is the day where he would have felt the love of his little family.

It’s not the same now without her, Today is just another day for Hammy and I now, Today we will play chess and share a nice meal together, today we will go for a walk and try to avoid the families that are out and about, today has become a day of remembrance of what was once a Happy joyous day, today is a day that is forever changed, today is now just another day. a hard day on the both of us.

Butch.
easy wood projects to build

Read More..

Things that make me go Hmmmm …

There are things in life, and about folks that just Boggle my mind, things I simply can not understand and make absolutely no sense to me at all, I am forever confounded by the way some people think and act towards others, as well as events that happen around the world.

What makes me go Hmmm is Racism… I don’t understand it at all, I mean to dislike or hate someone based on skin colour? … that actually makes me go WTF!!?? … I just don’t understand that concept, and I can see no reason or justification to dislike/ hate anyone simply because they have a different skin colour than me… it’s just makes no sense and Boggles my mind, it’s a foreign concept to me.

Same with Sexuality… disliking or hating someone because of their sexuality?… it’s absolutely ridiculous! … I don’t care if your God says _________ is a sin, who the HELL are you to Judge?… Judgement is reserved for YOUR God…. NOT YOU, and chances are the person will never meet your God anyway, they probably have a nicer less judgemental God than you, so why even concern yourself with the gender of another person’s partner?… just makes no sense and it Boggles my mind , here is something to ponder… if you are against gay marriage, and want absolutely nothing to do with it…. simply don’t marry a gay person! marry someone who is the same sexuality as you… problem solved!

Money .. this too makes me go Hmmm…. yes money is a necessary evil, we all need some to live… give money get food gas clothes etc. but people do not need as much money as they think they do , and it baffles me how most everyone forsakes family, life and the pursuit of happiness to chase the almighty dollar, yes money is pretty important, but no it is NOT the MOST important thing in life, yet people covet it, hoard it, kill for it…. imagine killing someone for a piece of paper and some round metal disks! ( coins) …. pretty stupid really!!

Material Objects… another thing that completely stupifies me… people and small families who build/buy HUGE houses and go hundreds of thousands if not millions in debt…. WHY? Why do you and your family of 3 or 4 NEED that 9,000 square foot mcmansion with 6 or more bedrooms, 3 bathrooms 3 car garage pool etc. …. why? just why? are you trying to boast to everyone how successful you are?… hey look at ME, I HAVE the Biggest house on the block (even though I use less than half of the living space) I have the biggest shiniest fanciest most expensive car , I have the nicest furniture genuine sacred cow leather, and the latest electronics… look at ME… I’m better than YOU!… is that what you’re thinking? …. really? if so, then you’re also the biggest and most stupid Jackwagon on the Block! …. what ever happened to living within your means? is it worth going into deep debt just to try and impress everyone around you? ….. makes absolutely no sense to me.

Religion…. this one completely baffles me… I believe in God, I have my Faith , and occasionally I attend the local church, not because going to church makes me a good Christian… oh hell no, I simply go now and then to socialize , I am quite sure that some in that church do not believe what I do nor do they keep their faith as I do… and that’s okay… who am I to judge or say what’s right or wrong… It baffles me how people use Religion to justify HATE, (Hate towards anyone who doesn’t believe as they do) it stupifies me how people try to use the Bible to oppress others and impose their will on others…. to me these are not people of God… they are self righteous hypocritical windbags who give the rest of the Christians a bad reputation (guilty by association) , same goes for Muslims… the average Muslim is quite peaceful and does not try to impose their faith on others… then you get the right wing Loons… ( same with Christians) who wage Holy wars and try to impose their beliefs on everyone else ( Christians are just as guilty of genocide… just look at the Crusades, Spanish Inquisitions, what they have done to the Aboriginal peoples in North America, how they corrupted and defiled almost every country and nation on the planet etc) we act all shocked and horrified when break away groups like ISIS start killing people and waging a Holy war against everyone who doesn’t believe in the same brand of Religion as them…. yet under the guise of our Christian God… we have done the same damn thing… repeatedly , throughout history …. Religion gets more people killed than anything else and that just baffles me… regardless of Faith… isn’t Religion supposed to be about peace love and harmony… loving everyone regardless of their beliefs sexuality skin colour language …. just pure unconditional love towards everyone and each other… but that is not what they preach in churches …. it baffles me on how people die in the name of God / Allah or any other dang name you wish to call him/her/it/them… it is just downright stupid all the way around and it baffles me.

It absolutely baffles me how we send Billions of dollars in AID to other countries… Africa,Bangladesh,Somalia etc. …. yet we can’t even feed and house our own poor… it baffles me why we send our resources that are needed here to other countries then spit on our own poor…. just makes absolutely no sense, shouldn’t it be look after our own first and help all others second?I am not heartless but I also don’t understand why we funnel Billions of dollars to these have not countries for decades , and they themselves have not improved their situation…. where are the water wells? where are the schools? where are the farms? where are the fisheries? where are the medical centers doctors nurses etc ?why are they not using the money to better themselves? all those countries should be able to stand on their own feet after 30 + years of AID from the rest of the world , if they haven’t learned to use the funds to better themselves by now , they never will and have become reliant on Global Handouts …. perhaps it’s time to stop sending money and start using that money to help our own people ….. it makes no sense to put other countries on a Global welfare system ( really that is what foreign aid truly is) and use the money here in our own countries to help the poor…. there is absolutely no reason why a person/family should be without housing, food,education, medical etc. here in our own countries , the Government and nonprofit agencies all say , we lack funding, we don’t have enough money to feed and house and give the basic necessities of life to the poor…. OF COURSE you don’t have enough money or funding or food or resources to help the poor…. your sending all the resources overseas to other countries…. you are all taking the food and housing and education and medicare away from our own poor and giving it to someone who probably has no idea where North America even is! …. baffles the hell right outta me.

It astounds me that we have an unlimited supply of wind power, solar power, Hydro power , Bio fuels, etc and the technology to utilize these forms of power… yet we constantly rely on dead dinosaurs (oil) for all things…. Oil is obsolete yet we kill each other for it and we all bitch and whine at the gas pumps…. why are we even still using gas powered cars? and why do you the suburban warrior require that big gas guzzling ozone frying air polluting all wheel drive SUV?? a compact car is not big enough for you , hubby, and your 3 kids? … why do you need all wheel drive or four wheel drive in a city? really… are the potholes truly that bad that you need an off road vehicle? listen… running over a concrete curbs does not qualify as four wheeling!! why? just why? buy a 4 cylinder mini van if you need room , funny I can seat 5 people in my little Aveo and still put $300 worth of groceries in the trunk! how big of a vehicle to do you really need??…. seriously?

I don’t understand why we don’t just leave the oil alone and stop using it… Boats can use wind power, solar power, bio fuels, planes can run on biofuels , if that’s too freaky for the rider… use the petroleum they use now , let the military use petroleum and civilians can use alternative sources, you don’t even need natural gas to heat a house any more , you can use natural geothermal … we have the technology to go completely off oil and petroleum use, yet we are just too damn lazy to use it , it is easier to pay thousands of dollars per year on new petroleum cars , easier to pull up to a gas pump , easier to connect a wire than a solar panel to a house, … it’s just stupidity and laziness that’s all… people are just too comfortable with the status quo, they cry but jobs will be lost if we stop using oil… yes some will, but people can be retrained to work on wind turbines and solar panels etc.. refer to sending the money to other countries… people can be retrained and new jobs created… really there is no excuse and that just baffles me.

it baffles me on why we are still cutting down forests to build houses… you would think a brick would be less expensive than a tree… a brick is made of clay, clay is a free resource in the ground, sandstone and granite also free from the ground… hell we have Mountains made entirely of the crap … rocks and clay don’t burn… wood does… so why are we raping the forests to build combustible houses? …. makes no sense to me at all.

These are just some of the things that make me go Hmmmm and some even make me go WTF?? I don’t claim to be right or wrong, these are just some things that make me scratch my head and wonder why? that’s all .

Anyway, that’s all for now folks, so Remember:express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
easy wood projects to build

Read More..

Excuse me can I borrow your woman for a quick second and other rambles from the prairies

Soooo … the big city is gearing up for the big LGBTQ pride festival, City Hall is even getting in on the festivities by flying the Rainbow Flag right next to the Saskatchewan and Canadian Flag , I hope they have lots of fun and don’t have to deal with too many right wing religious loons .

That said, I was at walmart today grabbing some stuff for the house, I needed more tub and tile caulking , and a few other things, and decided to stop in the paint section and look at those paint cards… now I am a handy person with tools, can fix most anything and have a “thing” for power tools …. however… home decorator I am NOT!

While standing there holding paint sample cards …way out of my element ….completely baffled and lost not to mention confused as all get out… trying to make sense of the funny names of colours… pure periwinkle??… it’s BLUE! WTF is a periwinkle? sounds like some kind of foreign fruit! … “No you can’t have a glass of milk until you finish your periwinkles!! … yep put that right up there with brussel sprouts ! Ick factor 12!

Old Bronze?? … Bronze my @ss… that is not even a colour… it looks an awful lot like the stuff in the cat litter box after Peepster ate the chia pet and washed it down with the heavy cream she spilt all over the counter !!

Easter Egg??… it’s frickin PURPLE!! … I can just see myself standing at the counter asking for a can of periwinkle and Easter egg or flax seed (yellow) … like that is ever gonna happen!! … who the h3ll comes up with these backasswards names? … it HAS to be a FEMME thing!! … no self respecting Butch or manly man is going to ask anyone for a gallon of periwinkle at any point in time, for any reason …. it just ain’t gonna happen!

So I did what any person would do who was trying to save their dignity and self respect… I asked a complete stranger if I could borrow his wife for a quick second ! …. yeah I got a strange look outta him at first… so before he could tell me to go to h3ll or knock me out in isle 3 …. I quickly held up the paint cards and simply said periwinkle!!?? … he quickly realised I was in the same situation as he was …. stuck picking paint colours with absolutely no clue how to match coordinate or otherwise decorate , he must have felt real bad because he glanced around and saw that I was flying solo …. perhaps he was relieved since he would get a few moments break from his wife’s questions… what do you think dear? this would look nice there don’t you think/ etc… questions that married folks quickly learn to just say yes dear or if you think so dear … if they ever hope to have sex again.

So this wife ( her name was cynthia ) … helped me out… or rather she did all the decision making … now with 18 years experience I knew to put on my clueless cap …. I told her I was clueless ( and really … I am!!) and needed a Lady’s opinion on colours since they are so knowledgeable about such things and home decor , I briefly explained that I am recently widowed and am trying to spruce up the house, to use the colours my wife would have wanted… but gosh there is just so many different shades!! … I told her it is just myself and our 13 year old son now, so I needed something with a feminine touch , yet didn’t compromise the masculine side of life either… Ohhh she was all over that like white on rice …. I told her I needed purple for the bathroom… but not a dark bold purple, I needed a subtle purple or something close to it, I told her I had dark oak furnishings in there with a grey slate tile floor…. she chose the Easter Egg colour… a pale purple … so I marked that card .

next the kitchen… I told her there was tan coloured furnishings in there, lots of pine , and I needed a yellow, but not a bright yellow … I told her it had light grey vinyl tile there , she picked flaxseed … it’s a subtle yellow , so I marked that card , lastly the living room, I told her I wanted to stay somewhat neutral here, some sort of off white, and asked if there was such thing as a bluish white? … there was and she found it… Ming Dynasty white … masculine but not overbearing , very subtle… I marked that card, and thanked her profusely , and thanked her husband for loaning me her expertise in such matters.

Now when I go back to the store , I will be armed with my marked paint cards and will just point and say this one, this one, and that one… no way am I asking for easter eggs , flax seeds and ming dynasty!! I have my self respect and dignity to maintain !!

My Butch card is still intact as is my dignity and self respect , and thanks to me making that guys wife feel extra important , that guy stands a good chance of getting a lil’ sum sum tonight…. so I was just as helpful to him as his wife was to me , he should thank me ! lol

well that’s all for now, I’m off to try and explain periwinkle to Hammy , so Remember Folks:express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
easy wood projects to build

Read More..

Let me talk about my Wife then and now

I remember the first time I met my wife, it was 17 years ago but seems just like yesterday.

it truly was and is a fairy tale romance, it was also love at first sight, see she is just so much more than my wife, she is also my soul mate, yes that may sound cliche’ but it’s true, if you are fortunate enough to meet your soul mate you WILL know, your very soul cries out for joy.

back to the fairy tale , the first time I saw her she was just 15 years old, my car crapped out in front of her house, I had a friend with me and while fixing the car I glanced up and saw a blonde angel working in the flower garden, I didn’t know it then but our paths were destined to cross a bit later in life, I made an off handed comment to my friend that someday I was going to marry that girl there, my friend laughed and commented about jail bait, I chuckled at hys comments but something deep within me knew that the girl in the flower garden would someday be my wife.

Fast forward 7 years, the girl in the garden was a mere faded memory, I ran an ad in the local paper for a queer friendly room mate, male, female, somewhere in between, didn’t matter as long as they could pay their share. a couple days pass and I get a knock on the door, I open the door and damn near had a heart attack, there at the door stood that angel from the garden 7 years ago! my heart soared and my soul cried for joy, I rented her the room in a heart beat.

I was dumbstruck and afraid to say or do anything to scare her, I didn’t make a pass flirt or do anything except cook fabulous dinners for her, about 3 months into having her as a room mate, she out of the blue planted a kiss on my lips… and yes my knees did buckle, at that moment we went from room mates to dating.

Now let it be known I am not a hopeless romantic, I am awkward and clumsy and not always sure of myself….she had to initiate the first moves, she had to initiate the bedroom etc. I was never good with dating and was and am not a player, I’m actually quite quiet and reserved.

But she had me hook line and sinker, I’d do anything for her, thankfully she likes the simple things in life.

The government listed us as common law 6 months into our relationship, we made it legal after being together just over 1 year, our anniversary is February 14th…believe it or not that is pure coincidence , it wasn’t planned, it just happened.

we talked about having a kid, I knew damn well that I wasn’t going to be a Mom, it’s just not in me to be THAT kind of parent, nope I am way to Butch to even entertain such a thought ( read chicken shit into that) 4 years into our marriage I figured out and arranged (with her consent) for her to get pregnant, no fuss no muss no strings attached, it was fast easy and didn’t cost a dime.

9 months later my wife gave birth to a 8lb baby boy, who I nick named Hammy (Hamster) Now my wife is a great Mom, she certainly was born to be a Mom, and our son looks just like her, he has my temper though lol, our son grew up calling me Dad, now at age 12 he still calls me Dad.

My wife is such an amazing woman, she is very passionate about life, she is a very kind caring person, the type who hugs strangers upon meeting them, she is a person that people want to open up too, she was a daycare teacher for 16 years and just last year decided to switch careers and become a cook…and she did.

I have had 17 glorious , wonderful, passionate years with her, and everyday I wake up, thank God, and fall in love with her all over again.

Now things have changed in our lives, I still fall in love every day with her, I now pray to God for 1 more day with her, I’m a deeply devoted hersband , I stopped working this year to take care of my Wife, you see she has stage 4 lung cancer, it’s a rare aggressive cancer called synovial sarcoma, there is no cure, at most she has 3 months to a year left, and I will be at her side all the way to the bitter end

Gone are the days of her laughter , our camping and hiking trips, our special time together, gone is the twinkle in her eyes and her mischievous smirk, now it’s a struggle for her to breathe, the color has faded from her skin and she has a profound sadness about her.

I do what I can for her, administer her meds, make sure her oxygen is flowing, bathe her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and tell her it’s okay to let go, that Hammy and I will be ok.

It’s just so hard, she turned 40 in January, she was full of life then, excited about our summer vacation plans, that all changed abruptly in less than 2 months. it’s not right, my wife never ever smoked, never drank, never did drugs and she gets struck down by an insidious cancer.

I’m sorry I have to stop here for now, the pain and heart ache I feel is just too much, I will continue in another post as soon as I can.



Do me a favor, hug your loved ones and express your love for them often

Butch
easy wood projects to build

Read More..

A simple little note to God from our 13 year old reduced me to tears tonight

We have our Faith but I seldom talk about it here or anywhere online,and unless someone asks in person, I seldom speak of it, why? because it’s a personal thing , that and there are so many right wing loons who try and shove their beliefs down everyone else’s throat that it makes it difficult for the not so crazy or obsessed over faith or religion reluctant to speak of their beliefs, I just don’t want to get thrown into the fanatic pile (trust me I’m no fanatic) and I believe that spirituality is a personal thing and not everyone believes in what I do so why should I say anything? (and yes I know you Atheists probably think I’m bonkers for even believing….but that’s okay ,I do understand as before the shit hit the fan not once but twice in my family, I to was an Atheist, so I get and understand where you’re coming from)

Anyway, I’m not here to discuss God or Allah or any other Deity , nor am I here to discuss beliefs, you have yours and I have mine, I respect yours so please respect mine that is all I have to say about that.

Our 13 year old son writes notes to God, his prayers really, and usually keeps them safe and private, however one of the cats managed to find his note stash and dragged one out to play with, thinking it was just a piece of scrap paper I was about to throw it away, until I read it ….. here is the short note, unedited only the Dear God in the title and our sons name have been removed.

Dear_____
Let the cancer leave my Mom, let her be safe, let her be strong, cancer is dangerous, my Mom means everything to me and my Dad, cancer must be stopped don’t let the cancer spread. My mom is the best person I know along with my Dad. from __________ Amen

That little note/prayer choked me up, our son doesn’t really talk about his Mom having cancer much, he only talks when prompted and if you ask the wrong question he will refuse to talk about it further.

I really don’t know what to say or what to talk about now, but if you’re wondering my wife is doing well, we won’t really know what happens next until next Tuesday when we see the oncologist, until then we try to live as normal a life as possible.

So remember folks:express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others

Butch
easy wood projects to build

Read More..