Day 12 on Champix and my Wife’s progress

This is a two for one blog entry, just a quick one at that as it is getting late here at ye olde homestead.

Well it’s day 12 on Champix and it sure has helped me to quit smoking , I was doing good I had quit on day 9, but today at day 12 I had 2 smokes, why I don’t know,I never had the urge to smoke, I didn’t want one, yet I had 2, oh well tomorrow will be better.

The side effects of Champix are not very pleasant, it has given me a serious case of the screaming shit weasels (runs), and I get minor head aches, but the dreams are wickedly vivid, not nightmares, just very realistic odd dreams, other than that I’m all good, I think the screaming shit weasels are going away! (at least I hope)

Anyway, let’s switch gears a bit and talk about my Wife, she finished her 7th round of Chemo Friday and I brought her home Saturday, she is really tired, and her chest hurts a little, I have increased her pain meds dosage as per Doctors permission, and she has been on her oxygen machine since Sunday afternoon, she has about 20 feet of hose so she can get around the house as she needs.

She goes for at least 1 more round of Chemo in the next 2 or 3 weeks, after that they want to CT scan her again to see if there has been any improvement. She is is fairly good spirits and remains positive , which is very important. I am back to hiding my fears worries and sorrow and back to being the physical and emotional rock that she needs, I will grieve again when she goes into the hospital for the next round of Chemo.

So that’s it for tonight folks, y’all have a good night and remember : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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My Wife’s Day some Odds Ends

Today my Wife had a very good day, we went to Regina (the city) to the Allen Blair Cancer Center (y’all can google the places I mention and locations just so y’all know everything is on the up & up) the reason it was a good day for her is the simple fact that she didn’t require any oxygen! ALL DAY! and so far none tonight either, add to that the fact that she hasn’t taken any pain medication (Morphine & Oxycodone) for 2 days now, those 2 actions are the equivalent to miraculous ! so yeah I am a happy Butch , my wife is coherent and able to converse and make decisions without assistance, add to that the fact that I shipped our son “Hammy” off to Prince Albert (Saskatchewan) for 3 days, which means I have my Wife to myself (to talk with and cuddle) for tonight at least makes me very happy.

She also got a very nice hair piece (wig) today as roughly 80% of her own hair has fallen out due to chemo, not that I think she needs a wig, she is as equally beautiful without hair as she is with hair. The hair piece she chose is reddish brown, it’s about shoulder length, very stylish and makes her look about 10 years younger, she also has a couple turbans and do rags as well as a funky sun hat for when she doesn’t feel like wearing her new hair, such as when she is in the cancer center having chemo, she will just use a do rag or turban, to me it matters not because she is so beautiful no matter what she does, then again I am wise enough to know her hair meant a lot to her on a personal level, more so than I can understand as my hair is always short, during the summer I often sport a flat top, but my wife has always has long beautiful hair, I think it was some sacred part of her femininity, it is a part that I will never fully understand but can and do respect and appreciate.

She goes for chemo tomorrow, so I will have the house to myself for a few days, I will split my time between home and being at the cancer center at her side , I have a few home upgrades to get done before my wife gets back home, a surprise for her, she likes surprises. To get everything done I have recruited my good friend Wayne, he is a jack of all trades master of none, and I think between the two of us we can install a new toilet and put in new kitchen taps and faucets , I am rather sad to see the old Fergus commode go, but it’s old, loud and makes the pipes rattle with every flush and uses quite a lot of water (around 12 liters if not more), have to say though I am fairly certain that the old commode could flush a basket ball if the pipe was large enough, that sucker has some serious oomph to it!

The new commode is a top of the line Crane ,dual flush, padded seat, has 6 liter tank so my water bill should drop by about $40 or so (we get billed every 3 months, not monthly like the cities) I call it the magical commode , why? because our kid will be in the washroom pushing the damn buttons for an hour or so, I shudder to think what he has crammed down the old Fergus.

I am also putting in a new sink faucet and taps in the kitchen , but keeping the old deep sinks, mixing the old with the new adds our own flair on the house, being that our house is over 100 years old we are very careful not to demo and reno so much that the house loses the simple rustic charm that brought us here in the first place. We generally don’t upgrade unless it is absolutely needed or we have no choice as parts are often impossible to find as they just don’t make them anymore, such as the commode upgrade, I defy anyone to find any parts for a Fergus commode in any hardware store, or find seals and gaskets for a 50+ year old faucet and tap assembly, good luck on that. I know I have checked in 3 friggin provinces for parts, even put an add on Kijiji looking for parts.

My wife thinks I am joking, but I seriously am going to repurpose the old commode and turn it into a giant flower pot and set it smack in the middle of our lawn this summer! and yes I will post pictures.

guess that’s it for tonight, thanks for fallowing me and reading my blog, remember folks, express your love often to those you hold dear to you, and never take tomorrow for granted.

Butch
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My Wife’s doing a bit better

Today has been a great day, Today my Wife was feeling good all day, she was able to eat 3 full meals and keep them down and the big one is… she was pain free for the first time in nearly 4 months! She was able to come to the city and use a scooter while our son “Hammy” and I purchased a new lawn mower.

Tonight we (my Wife and I) sat down and wrote out a living will, I will have it notarized Monday, it was a difficult task but had to be done, I now know and understand her wishes.

She is an emotional wreck despite having such a good day, it’s the emotional end that thwarts me, she gets herself so worked up and upset that nothing I say or do will calm her down, it is at this point she likes to try and start an argument, so she “has a reason” to be upset and can validate her derailed train of thought, only I won’t fight or argue with her no matter how many times she attempts to bait or goad me, I remain calm and patient as I know it’s the Cancer and her Fears talking, not her.

well that’s it for now, remember be kind to everyone and express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted.

Butch
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My Wife’s Cancer is taking it’s toll

So as you all know my wife has lung cancer, a rare form of it, we got to see the CT Scan on June 4th, it’s not good, my wife has a very large aneurysm on her main artery that goes to her right lung, it is caused by the cancerous tumor, the chemo is causing the tumor to shrink so that for the first time the Doctors can see what is going on behind and around it, and the tumor has done a lot of damage.

My Wife’s chemo treatments have been suspended until the aneurysm is repaired, which is scheduled to happen Tuesday June 10th at the General Hospital in Regina (Saskatchewan,Canada) , it’s a high risk surgery as she also has a massive blood clot in her heart (in the upper right chamber), they can’t do anything that will cause that clot to break free and travel to her 1 remaining fully functioning lung or even worse pass through her heart, either situation is fatal to her.

She takes daily Fragmin (blood thinner) injections, 15,000 IU per shot, it is slowly dissolving that blood clot and others in her bad lung, so it’s not like nothing is being done to fix the blood clot.

The scary part aside from the pending surgery to repair the aneurysm is the fact that her chemo is temporarily suspended, which means that damn Cancer tumor is going to start growing again, it’s a extremely aggressive cancer (synovial sarcoma), the tumor grows daily not gradually, as the Doctor aptly put it :My Wife is caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea!, meaning she is going to die without surgery to repair the aneurysm and she may die if the surgery is not a success, add to that a growing cancerous tumor and the outcome is not very good.

The plan is to do the surgery on June 10th, then transfer her from the General to the Allen Blair Cancer Center and start the chemo on the 11th, the 12th the absolute latest, she has no recovery time , she can’t afford a couple days or a week to recover from the surgery, the chemo has to start asap as the tumor will be growing by then, she was suposed to do her chemo today but it was cancelled until after the surgery, the Doctors didn’t want to give the surgeons any excuse to say they couldn’t operate.

So that is where we are at with everything, I am very scared and worried for my wife, I am not prepared to bury her , I can’t imagine life without her, we have been together for 17 wonderful years and have beat the odds and built a life and a family together, Outwardly I remain rock solid, I am my wife’s emotional rock , I remain strong and confident for her and for Hammy (our son) , but inwardly my very soul is crying in anguish, my heart is breaking for my wife, I step outside for a few moments every few hours to pull myself together, I write in my blog to weigh everything out, to share our story with others, to let the world know about my beautiful amazing wife , to collect my thoughts and as a form of therapy, and yes if and when my wife passes I shall continue to blog, it will be hard , but I want my wifes life to be celebrated by the world, and to let others who may be dealing with a serious illness or a loss know that I understand what they are going through,and no matter the outcome, life has to go on as hard as it may be.

So that’s all I have to say for tonight, remember folks, don’t take tomorrow for granted, express your love often, and be kind to others, Peace and love to you all

Butch
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The Results of my wife’s CT Scan

So we went to our family Doctor today for the usual refilling my wife’s medications and to get the results of the ct-scan she had Tuesday, it’s both bad and good news.

First the good news, the cancerous tumor in her left lung has shrunk a little bit from her chemo, the bad news is it most likely will not shrink any more. on the flip side at least it hasn’t grown.
As for her right lung, the tumor remains the same, neither growing nor shrinking.

The good news… the artery she had repaired by having a coil inserted, is working fine and the huge bulge is gone.

The bad news… her massive blood clot remains unchanged even on the high dose of Fragmin, the clot is neither breaking up or dissolving as hoped.

For now (the next couple months) there will be no more chemo, she has had 6 rounds and is at the limit, the doctors say her body must rest and recover from the chemo. Where does that leave us? what is the next step? … Those are the million dollar questions and we won’t have the answers to either question until next Wednesday morning when I take her to the Cancer Center to meet with her oncologist, hopefully he has some sort of plan at that time.

It’s the unknowns, the what if’s and the waiting between appointments that are hard on me, and to a degree her as well, though she doesn’t stress and worry as much as I do, for her each day is a blessing and each day she feels good is divine, as long as she feels no pain and can be Mom to our son she is content.

Well that’s all for tonight, I’m off to watch a spectacular lightening show and to listen to the big sharp rolling Boomers.

Remember folks, express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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