Back to the simple life part 2

So in my previous post I spoke about my wifes unhappiness about living in such a small village because she is a city girl at heart, as it turns out my assumption as to why she was unhappy wasnt entirely accurate.

Her biggest issue is the simple fact that there are no grocery stores here and no entertainment either other than the bar, her point being is that you have to drive for 30 minutes to the nearest city to get groceries or to have a family night/day out or to do pretty much anything, which as she says isnt so bad during the summer, but is not a good or safe thing in the winter as the roads are often closed for days at a time.

She actually does enjoy the country life, its just the severe lack of everything out here that makes her not so keen on living out here, having to drive 30 minutes (often in snowstorms and blizzards)down an icy highway to get to work and back is not a pleasant experience for her (or anyone really).

The thing is Pense is a bedroom community, people live here and work elsewhere, there really is next to nothing here, yet when we went to Maryfield (my home town) , it to is a small village but it has a proper grocery store,a small restaurant,a movie theater,and a pool hall/bar/hotel, it also has a school that goes all the way to grade 12 ,unlike here where the school only goes to grade 8.
Maryfield also has a spring and fall fair, and a mid summer antique farm show that draws farmers and visitors for miles around,they have a library,fitness center,2 retirement homes,a gas station,hardware store and a few little family shops that sell crafts and such, and Maryfield retains its young people, meaning most kids who grow up there end up returning later in life to raise their families.

My wifes point is she would like to live there as there are things to do there, there are even job opportunities there,unlike here in Pense that has non of that. Her major sticking point is the fact if we moved to Maryfield we wouldnt have to travel so much, especially in winter.

She makes a good argument, I am home sick for my hometown, most of my pleasant childhood memories are of there in Maryfield, the problem is , it will take me another 7.5 years to pay off the property we have here in Pense, even if I were to sell now, we wouldnt have much money in pocket to start over as most would go to the bank to pay off the loan.

Theres that and the other fact, we have alot of shit!, a camper, a pair of off road bikes, 3 vehicles, I have a 30x30 work shop full of tools,then theres the contents of a 3 bedroom house and a utility trailer, the tractor the lawn tractor, the tillers etc. Sure I could sell most of it off and start over, but the chances of getting the money invested in these things back are slim.

Even our son says hes up for a move and wouldnt mind starting over in Maryfield, my little family planted the seeds of change in my head, made some valid arguments for leaving here to move to Maryfield, tugged on my emotional heart strings, and made me thankful that they didnt say they wanted to move to a city..... hard to resist their desires, and so I am giving it serious thought.

So thats where we are at, I will keep you posted on this, and yall will be the first to know if I decide to say screw it and move my family down to Maryfield, after all, if you have learned anything about me through these blogs, you know that I am all about Family and keeping them happy at any cost.

Butch
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A letter to my Wife 2

Hello Darling, it’s just me again, I want you to know that I think of you all the time and miss you like crazy, I’ve found some comfort in knowing you didn’t suffer when you went to God, I am also comforted knowing the last memory of you that our son has is of you laughing and happy.

God I miss you so much, Things are coming together perfectly for your service Darling, it shall be beautiful, the little church is a perfect setting, though small we will fit everyone in don’t you worry.

I think your entire Family is coming down, I know mine is too, I am sure you will be happy and pleased, shoot I can just hear you now saying “ I don’t like the attention, I wish there weren’t so many people” , but Darling please understand , all the people loved you and they never had the chance to say good bye, they NEED this service to find closure in their lives.

I was given a big photo of you yesterday that I’d never seen before, it was taken at your Brothers wedding, Darling you looked Beautiful, I think it is a Grand picture and I will have it framed and hung on my wall.

Has God given you your Angel wings yet? Most likely he has, if I know you , you are probably up there helping look after all the children in Heaven, I want you to know that I have felt your presence here with me more than a few times, I know it was you who motivated me to dig out that television for Hammy and take it to his room and hook up his video machine to it.

I also know it was you who motivated me to clean and uncluttered the house, I hope you don’t mind how I have been doing that? I know this was your home and it shall always be, Darling there are a few things I need you to know, I can not bring myself to sleep in our bed, I just can’t do it so I’ve been sleeping on the couch instead, it’s okay though it is comfortable to me.

I have to go upstairs sooner or later and start going through all your clothes and get them ready for donation just as you asked, forgive me Darling, I just can not bring myself to do that right yet, please allow me more time, I will get it done, I promise.

I also have to clean out the storage room, wow what a mess! I can hardly get through the door, I could use a hand in there, I need to know what I can get rid of and what must be kept, so if you could come around again sometime and guide me that would be great.

Things are different now that you are not here, the house just doesn’t quite feel like a home anymore, it’s still warm and inviting, but it is missing your touch and personality, it’s lonely here, even with Hammy, it feels empty.

Hammy is doing okay, he is still in denial I think, the other day he said he missed you very much, I do as well Darling. Hammy has only missed 3 days of school, I felt it would be good for him to go but I don’t force him, shoot you know him , he loves school anyway, He is going skiing the Friday before your service, it will do him a world of good not to have to think about all this for a day, will you guide him and protect him from getting hurt that day?

Yesterday my sister came out to the village and took us to the city, I picked up some more supplies, it feels very odd shopping without you, you know me into the store and out as quickly as possible, Hammy didn’t even complain about shopping as he usually does, perhaps it was because he knew there was food coming at the end of the shopping.

We had a good visit when we got back home…home , now there’s a word that feels strange now that you’re not here, my sister took a bunch of photos I had of you and is going to scan them and send them to your sister, I will have those photos back by Wednesday.

Darling , I really don’t want to say this, but I am pretty sure your sister is both mentally and emotionally unstable, again she is mad at me, I just can not say or do anything with out hurting her or making her angry, I am trying Darling, I am trying very hard not to upset her, I won’t really say much to her at the service but I will give her a big hug. It is said sometimes silence speaks volumes, so I shall remain silent around her, I just want the service to be perfect and to honour you, not be upsetting anyone.

Oh how I miss you Pauline, my heart aches from wanting to hold you just one more time, to hear your sweet voice, to feel your warm embrace, I would give anything to be able to hold you and tell you I love you just once more.

Every morning I kiss and hug hammy and tell him how much I love him, and again at night before he heads to bed, He looks and acts so much like you, it is almost like hugging you again, I always tell him how proud of him you were and how much you loved him, he doesn’t talk much about you yet, but give him some time Hon, he is grieving in his own way.

Our neighbours cleaned out our driveway again, this time they brought the snow blowers right up to the steps of the house, it was very kind of them, I am trading all that Boost and Ensure for a home made Lasagna and cookies with Brody’s Mom, she is so kind, she is the one who made the offer, and Cameron’s Mom paid for Hammy’s ski trip, that was very thoughtful and kind of her, and yes I got Hammy ski goggles yesterday.

I am learning to swallow my pride and accept help when it’s offered Darling, see even old dogs can change their ways! Pretty sure that has surprised a few folks, but I did realize that I do need help, just until I get used to being a single parent and find my own routine, there are a few things that I struggle with, driving alone is one of them, please understand that for 18 years I have always had you riding shot gun, now that seat sits empty and the drive to the city is lonely and seems longer, just give me time to adjust Darling, and guide my car straight and true this winter.

I am honouring you by rethinking my life, I am striving to become a kinder and gentler person, Butch 2.0 , I am finding an inner strength I never knew I had and that’s because of you Darling, you made me who I am today through your loving gentle ways, and I strive to make you proud, I always have tried and always will.

Well my Darling, I started writing to you early this morning, sadly I have to go now as Hammy woke up, I wish I didn’t have to go, I wish I could talk with you all day but again life calls me and I must answer, please know that you have made me a strong person and that everything down here will be alright, I wish I could walk with you in Heaven and tell you all this in person, but Darling, I know I can’t right now, please wait patiently for me, I will one day be at your side again.

Be happy my Darling, I shall talk with you again soon

All my Love and Devotion

Butch
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Windows 10 my 2 cents and other shtuff from the prairies

Out here on the Saskatchewan Prairies we are just 24 hours out from a wicked 3 day storm, there were tornadoes involved and a torrential downpour of rain, the thunder shook my wee house and rattled the windows, and the lightening was an awesomely amazing light show, huge forks of white blue and purple lightening that lit up the entire sky for 10 to 20 seconds at a time …… I do love our prairie storms, they are spectacular and frightening, folks who are not from the prairies normally duck and run for cover, our storms are quite different than the rest of the provinces , they are something to be witnessed as they are not easily described.

So I went ahead and installed Windows 10 on both the home PC and on my laptop, and I have 2 different versions of Windows 10, I have Windows 10 Home edition on the PC (full version) and Widows 10 Work edition on my laptop ( full version) , there are subtle differences but for the most part both are easy to navigate and use.

As I stated in the previous post , you can get Windows 10 for FREE from the Microsoft website , and it’s the full version, not a demo or trial, just go over to their site and click on the upgrade … it’s FREE , it’s a 3 gig download, but it goes fairly quick , it takes about 20 minutes for Windows 10 to set itself up, save your existing windows version ( so you can switch back if you don’t like the upgrade) and save all your files and settings, from there it’s a 5 minute install and BAM your good to go!

Now, I will say you NEED to watch the how to video’s , and read the help files, let Windows 10 assist you in setting things up the way you like, it is practically idiot proof !

I haven’t played around with their new Browser …. yet … it is called Microsoft Edge , from what I have read it IS all that and a bag of chips , it is designed to give both Fire Fox and Chrome a good run for their money…. meaning it is designed to meet or exceed both Fire Fox and Chromes abilities and ease of use etc. Microsoft Edge is a Major player in the browser world , unlike it’s failed predecessors (Explorer) …. I looked at Edge briefly , I never went further than it’s home page, it IS streamlined, and had local news on it, my only dislike thus far is it uses BING as it’s search engine and not Google , though you CAN go into the browser settings and make Google the home/start page. I shall play around with the new Microsoft browser in the coming days and give a review (personal opinion) on it, I am a die hard Chrome user, which is very compatible with Windows 10 , actually every program and file that I had on both Windows 8.1 (laptop) and Windows 7 (PC) work very well with Windows 10 , Microsoft did not attempt to force people to use only Microsoft products and programs with Windows 10 as they had done with Vista , instead they made Windows 10 compatible with most outside programs and products …. and again it is very user friendly.

There are many features that I haven’t played with yet, such as Cortina , activate that and the computer will talk to you , you will absolutely love windows 10 if you have a tablet or a touch screen on your computer , and you can pass info back and forth between windows based devices without the use of usb cords , just set the tablet , phone etc next to the computer screen and swipe… the stuff on your computer magically appears on the other device and visa versa .

BTW windows 10 is also available for your tables and windows based phones… absolutely FREE and again it’s the FULL version, and is FREE for as long as you own what ever device you downloaded it onto along with any future upgrades , they will also be FREE.

There is also no limit on how many computers laptops or devices that you can upgrade to windows 10 , Windows 10 also holds your previous version of windows for you, you have exactly 30 days from the moment you log onto windows 10 for the first time to decide if you want to keep it or go back to your earlier version of windows , click the reinstall previous windows version button and windows will restore your previous version and remove windows 10 , if you wait beyond the 30 day limit windows 10 will permanently delete your previous version of windows and you will be running windows 10 permanently.

Windows 10 did speed up both my PC and laptop, it actually uses less than half the resources (cpu and memory) than windows 7 or 8.1 and the graphics are unreal! you can also set up the start menu to function and look the same way as Windows XP, Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 , Windows 10 gives you full preference and customization, you can do a great many things with it , I’ve only played with it for 2 hours so I am not aware of every feature and function …. yet. just give me a few days.

So that is about all I know of Windows 10 at this moment, I will play with it for awhile and report back with my thoughts and opinions, so far there is nothing I really don’t like except for the Bing and that’s a simple click of the settings button, as I said I am a Chrome user , so Windows Edge will be hard pressed to win me over.

Other than that I have been looking after a neighbour’s sick dog, a scruffy little pocket dog, not sure what breed it is , but it has the runs , I am going to get it some medicine tomorrow, I also have to do some shopping , I absolutely dislike shopping, but the dog needs food as do the cats and I have a 14 year old human eating machine (Hammy) to feed so it is a chore that must be done .

I have managed to pull myself back together after my grief meltdown, and Thank You ALL for your kind words, I do very much appreciate you all. I should be okay for a good while now… I hope.

Anyway that is all for tonight, I have to be up extra early tomorrow so I shall bid you all good night, oh and Remember Folks : express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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Chemo round 2 alone for a couple nights

I took my Wife to the cancer center today as she is going in for another round of Chemo, I stayed while they asked her a million questions , helping to answer them where I could, then they hooked her up to a heart machine and turned on the oxygen for her, connected the IV to her picc in her arm, I stayed at her side , the ever faithful hersband.

She looks so small and helpless laying on that bed hooked up to various machines, I didn’t want to leave her side and fought back the tears as she told me to go home and get some rest, you see I don’t like being away from my wife any more than I have to be, I always worry that something will happen and I won’t be there, (the real fear is her passing quietly without me being there), I grudgingly agreed to go home after nearly 5 hours at the hospital with her, I know she was politely saying “get lost I need rest” so I left.

I am home alone for the night, our son “Hammy” is in Prince Albert at a friends farm until sometime tomorrow, The house doesn’t feel like a home without my Wife’s presence , and it’s cold and uninviting without the sounds of our son’s laughter , it’s just myself , our rottweiler/shepherd X dog Memphis (the handsome dude I use as my gravatar) and 4 psychotic mousers, Tippy,Saber,Peepster,and Teddy Bear, thank my wife the animal lover for all the cats, the dog is mostly mine but goes to my wife the most (friggin traitor).

I should say I am not entirely alone, our house is quite haunted (laugh if you want but I speak the truth) there is an older woman and little boy who mostly hang out in the kitchen, an old man who walks up the stairs late at night , a couple little kids (at least we think they are children) who like to play with your hair or tug on the bed sheets while you sleep, theres an old woman that goes from the mudroom to the washroom and you usually see her shadow pass by the shower curtains when your bathing or showering, doors that open and close, unseen footsteps , things get moved, and yes our animals bug out, the dog often stares at the wall and will bark at what appears to be nothing, the cats will suddenly roll over and show their bellies and purr up a windstorm, you always have this feeling of being watched.

It’s not like the movies no demons or evil spirits, just ghosts of the past who perhaps once called our house home, we are used to this and after 6 years of living here have never been intentionally frightened or terrorized in anyway, we often speak to them with kindness and ask them to watch the house while we are away, we usually don’t see them just hear them, but once in awhile they show themselves, I often wondered if they see and hear us or are they just going about their business as they did when they lived? hmm something I have often pondered.

As I have stated before our house is over 100 years old, so it has memories, things tend to happen when ever we do a renovation or upgrade something in the house or yard, now I tell the unseen folks what it is I plan on doing to the house , such as replacing the toilet, repainting or moving a wall , it’s just habit now.

Since my wife took sick with Lung Cancer we have noticed orbs, usually white or light blue around the house, this is new to us, again nothing threatening or scary, but most folks can’t stay long at our house, they get weirded out from the feeling of being watched or from hearing things or witnessing a door open or close on its own, my sister is really jumpy when she is here, so of course I have to be the prankster (asshole) and I like to stop talking in mid sentence and look over her shoulder in surprise, there’s nothing there of course, never is, but she falls for it every time and nearly pees herself LMAO!

Anyway that’s it for tonight, remember to express your love often, and never take tomorrow for granted . Peace be with you all

Butch



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