I miss you being here at home, I am so lonely now.
I have accepted that you are no longer here in Body, I know you are here in Spirit, I can feel you from time to time, I know it is you that helps me get through the day, I just wish I could hear your sweet voice once more, I can only pray that you know that my Love for you shall never fade, I can only hope that your Spirit can feel the Love that I have for you.
I am lonely without you, even though our friends come by to check on Hammy and I , I remain alone and lonely, our friends just can not fill that void, the people I run into at the post office or store just lower their eyes and shuffle their feet uncomfortably when I enter, they see my grief and don’t know what to say, what can they say? Nothing said can heal the wound I now carry.
Don’t you worry though Darling, I shall be alright, this I do know, when you were at my side you gave me such strength and courage , I still have that and have come to realize that yes I can and will be a single parent, that yes I can and will be able to look after the house and the animals and yard, I have come to realize that I can and will go on living, I will be alright Darling.
Hammy too will be alright, he misses you so much, he has begun cuddling me like he used to do with you, he wants and needs to be held, he wants and needs to know that he will be alright, he wants and needs to know that we will be alright, he grieves in his own way, but don’t worry Darling, I am here for him, I will help him and hold him and comfort him.
I’ve been looking at all our pictures again Darling, do you know your eyes are sparkling in every single one of them?, oh how I miss gazing into your eyes, I miss that sparkle so much, I sorely miss the sound of your laughter and your smile that lit up the rooms, I miss your sweet voice, I miss holding you at night while you slept, I miss kissing you each morning, I miss you so much my Darling
I miss our country walks and our Sunday drives, I miss everything about you, I miss you playfully nattering at me , giving me hell for some bone headed stunt I’ve pulled, I miss your squeals of laughter when I had one of those “here hold my beer and watch this” moments, it always ended with a trip to the doctor and a couple stitches, but damn Darling it was always worth it, just to hear your laughter and have you fussing over my wounds.
I miss the times I made you angry, Darling I never once meant to make you angry, but I have to confess Darling, you always looked so cute when you were angry, you never once made me angry, I have always stopped myself from anger because I never wanted to hurt you in any way . Darling I shall do the same with Hammy, I promise I shall never raise my voice or a hand to him, you taught me how to parent well.
Things are different now Darling, please allow me time to adjust, I will get there and I am trying very hard, I hide my sorrow around Hammy, always being strong for him, as I always did with you, I grieve late at night when I am alone, so alone, honestly Darling I am struggling with being alone, I don’t know why God took you from me, I must have been a terrible person in a past life to deserve this, they say Karma always gets you, well Darling Karma has beat me down and I do not understand why?
Darling please, know my love for you will always be strong and never cease, I love you now and always until the end of time, please wait for me in Heaven, I will be there in time.
I must go now Darling, our son will be home from school soon and I have to pull myself together for him, just know that not a moment goes by that I do not think of you, you still my everything and when God took you away he took a big part of my very soul when he took you, I now have an emptiness inside me that will never heal until we are again together.
Love always and forever
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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