I am Heart Broken, words can not describe the agony I am in, I am losing my wife, I have maybe a month, possibly 2, 3 at the absolute most with her, I have begged and pleaded with God to spare her but to no avail, my prayers have fallen on deaf ears, I have had 17 beautiful years with my angel, I don’t think she will be at my side on our 18th anniversary February 14th, My whole entire world is exploding before my very eyes and there is not a goddamned thing I can do about it.
I LIVE for my WIFE , I have lived 17 years for my wife, my entire world revolves around her now she will be gone soon and a vast empty void will remain where she once stood, how am I supposed to “Man up” how am I supposed to remain strong how am I supposed to carry on what am I to do?
My wife and I talked and I gave her as much comfort as I could by letting her know that if she has to go be with God, I will be okay, that I will look after OUR son and raise him to be the man she always dreamed he’d be, I told her that him and I will be okay and our lives will go on and we will be together again in Heaven when God calls us home.
I told her that she would never feel pain in Heaven, that she would be as beautiful in Heaven as she is here now, even more so, I told her she would find peace and happiness in heaven , I told her not to hold on for our sake , to go when she feels ready and go without fear or worry, Hammy and I will be ok , we will be ok .
Truth is I will never be ok, I will honestly only go on living for our son’s sake, God he looks just like his Mother, so beautiful so perfect, he has her sweet personality too, he is just like her, so loving , so very loving, in honesty, if it wasn’t for our son , I’d put a gun to my head when my wife passes, I can’t bare the thought of life without her, but I have to carry on, what choice do I have, we have a son a 13 year old boy and I do love him so very much I could never leave him nor would I.
There is only loss and sorrow in my life now, I have to be strong for our son, I have to help him live, help him grow into a man to help him through his life and help him find his happiness and success, I have to show him how to carry on when you just want to die , I have to love him more now than ever before, there is no more hope now, no more buying time through chemo and other medicines, all I can do is be at her side and keep her comfortable until god takes her home.
Please do me a favor…. tell those who matter that you love them and truly mean it, take a break from your busy lives and just take in the sunset with the ones you love, make each moment count and even if your atheist …. just this once say a small prayer of thankfulness for those you love.
I’m so lost right now, I want to take some time off and be with my wife, be with my little family I will be back blogging , just right now I hurt so very very much, I just need some time to come to terms with all this, to brace myself for the dark times ahead
Butch
easy wood projects to build
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