Feeling “Off”

Ever get that way? have a day where you just don’t feel right, like something is off somewhere somehow? Well today was just such a day for me, I really don’t know how to describe this feeling, it’s like an electrical short or something that makes the front half of my brain “feel fuzzy” …. does that make any sense?

Today I was most definitely NOT myself, aside from “feeling off” I found myself being short with people, like I was angry at them only I wasn’t angry at all, just the tone of my voice and quick short answers lead folks to think I was angry or upset, and I was neither.

I didn’t get much done today, just didn’t feel like doing jack shit, and that’s so unlike me, usually I am busy at something or spending time with my wife , today, I just wanted to be alone, to get away from everyone and everything, but in reality I couldn’t really do that.

I took my wife in for blood work late this morning and we stopped at the SouthLand Mall where I indulged in my guilty pleasure … Edo Japan , their number 4 is to absolutely die for!! , after that we hit HMV where my wife bought me a Gene Simmons hoodie , the kind with the zip up mask , anyway I’ll post a photo of me in it perhaps tomorrow , it was very thoughtful of her as she knows I am a HUGE KISS fan, and proud member of the KISS ARMY , it was her little way of saying thank you to me for being there for her during her battle with lung cancer, and for staying at her side.

I appreciate her gesture and honestly love the hoodie , but don’t quite know how to respond to her reasoning…. of course I will stay at her side, isn’t that what partners do? for better or worse, rich or poor in sickness and in health until death do us part! I take those vows extremely serious so of course I’ll stand at her side, support her and will continue to do so until the end of time…. Honestly I don’t know what else TO do! except be there for her, always.

Even that gift from my wife didn’t lift me out of my funk, after that we hit Safeway to grab some Campbells soup stock to make a vegetarian soup for supper….. yes you read that right Vegetarian ….and yes I am a Carnivore a Meatasaurus , I eat animals!…. yet tonight I didn’t want any beef stew or wild game stew , instead I chose 15 bean,mixed vegetables,and barley soup heavy on the onions…….our son Hammy was grumbling about the lack of meat. ( I must be fatally ill if I am passing up meat!!)…. it tasted great and still left me feeling off.

Despite the frigid cold today (+3 Celsius), I went and planted 14 white spruce trees in the front yard, I am creating a fast growing shelter belt to eventually block the wind and snow, it will take about 5 years before they are big enough to begin doing their job, they are about 2 feet tall now and will be dormant until next spring, I love gardening and planting etc so I figured freezing my ass off planting trees might lift me out of my funk……NOPE.

I’ve spent most of the night updating this and that on my laptop not really paying attention to anyone simply because I honestly had nothing to say to anyone, and I still feel off, something is wrong but I don’t know what the hell it is, I worry a bit when something goes haywire with me as I am getting older (47) and I have to stay healthy and positive in order to help my wife and to better look after our son Hammy.

So I will stop here, and remind myself tomorrow is another day.

Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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