That said, I was at walmart today grabbing some stuff for the house, I needed more tub and tile caulking , and a few other things, and decided to stop in the paint section and look at those paint cards… now I am a handy person with tools, can fix most anything and have a “thing” for power tools …. however… home decorator I am NOT!
While standing there holding paint sample cards …way out of my element ….completely baffled and lost not to mention confused as all get out… trying to make sense of the funny names of colours… pure periwinkle??… it’s BLUE! WTF is a periwinkle? sounds like some kind of foreign fruit! … “No you can’t have a glass of milk until you finish your periwinkles!! … yep put that right up there with brussel sprouts ! Ick factor 12!
Old Bronze?? … Bronze my @ss… that is not even a colour… it looks an awful lot like the stuff in the cat litter box after Peepster ate the chia pet and washed it down with the heavy cream she spilt all over the counter !!
Easter Egg??… it’s frickin PURPLE!! … I can just see myself standing at the counter asking for a can of periwinkle and Easter egg or flax seed (yellow) … like that is ever gonna happen!! … who the h3ll comes up with these backasswards names? … it HAS to be a FEMME thing!! … no self respecting Butch or manly man is going to ask anyone for a gallon of periwinkle at any point in time, for any reason …. it just ain’t gonna happen!
So I did what any person would do who was trying to save their dignity and self respect… I asked a complete stranger if I could borrow his wife for a quick second ! …. yeah I got a strange look outta him at first… so before he could tell me to go to h3ll or knock me out in isle 3 …. I quickly held up the paint cards and simply said periwinkle!!?? … he quickly realised I was in the same situation as he was …. stuck picking paint colours with absolutely no clue how to match coordinate or otherwise decorate , he must have felt real bad because he glanced around and saw that I was flying solo …. perhaps he was relieved since he would get a few moments break from his wife’s questions… what do you think dear? this would look nice there don’t you think/ etc… questions that married folks quickly learn to just say yes dear or if you think so dear … if they ever hope to have sex again.
So this wife ( her name was cynthia ) … helped me out… or rather she did all the decision making … now with 18 years experience I knew to put on my clueless cap …. I told her I was clueless ( and really … I am!!) and needed a Lady’s opinion on colours since they are so knowledgeable about such things and home decor , I briefly explained that I am recently widowed and am trying to spruce up the house, to use the colours my wife would have wanted… but gosh there is just so many different shades!! … I told her it is just myself and our 13 year old son now, so I needed something with a feminine touch , yet didn’t compromise the masculine side of life either… Ohhh she was all over that like white on rice …. I told her I needed purple for the bathroom… but not a dark bold purple, I needed a subtle purple or something close to it, I told her I had dark oak furnishings in there with a grey slate tile floor…. she chose the Easter Egg colour… a pale purple … so I marked that card .
next the kitchen… I told her there was tan coloured furnishings in there, lots of pine , and I needed a yellow, but not a bright yellow … I told her it had light grey vinyl tile there , she picked flaxseed … it’s a subtle yellow , so I marked that card , lastly the living room, I told her I wanted to stay somewhat neutral here, some sort of off white, and asked if there was such thing as a bluish white? … there was and she found it… Ming Dynasty white … masculine but not overbearing , very subtle… I marked that card, and thanked her profusely , and thanked her husband for loaning me her expertise in such matters.
Now when I go back to the store , I will be armed with my marked paint cards and will just point and say this one, this one, and that one… no way am I asking for easter eggs , flax seeds and ming dynasty!! I have my self respect and dignity to maintain !!
My Butch card is still intact as is my dignity and self respect , and thanks to me making that guys wife feel extra important , that guy stands a good chance of getting a lil’ sum sum tonight…. so I was just as helpful to him as his wife was to me , he should thank me ! lol
well that’s all for now, I’m off to try and explain periwinkle to Hammy , so Remember Folks:express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.
Butch
easy wood projects to build
