Life goes on and other Ramblings from the prairies

Lately Mother Nature has been trying to Kill me again , it’s an ongoing battle between her and I , she calls it my come uppance, I call it Karma …. see I used to drive a huge behemoth of a Ford Bronco 4X4 ( full size not the pansy little one ) , yep it was a BEAST , had a 8 inch lift ( which was funny watching my wife trying to climb in to it , I had to lift Hammy in to it ) and had monster 32’s (wheels) on it, Mud Boggin tires not really suited for the highway, anyway it had an Ozone frying 351 Cleveland done to the nuts power plant, and it got a whopping 11 miles to the gallon highway and about 5 miles to the gallon in the city…. yep it was my TOY, my BABY, I had it for 7 years and had about 10 grand in upgrades into it, never thought twice about burning up the Ozone, and I am sure that while goofing off in Jenkins mud pit I contributed heavily to Global warming…. which is why Mother Nature is p!ssed at me and out to kill me!

To say the last couple days have been hot is a drastic understatement !! keep in mind I am from the great white north where it gets cold enough to kill penguins ! … this heat wave is absolutely killing me!! it’s been so hot the Devil himself stuck his head out of a gopher hole and said D@mn ! it’s hotter than Hades up here!! …. I can handle 20 to 23 degrees Celsius with just a mild case of the sweats and about a gallon of ice water every 20 minutes or so , but this!! THIS!! 31.4 Celsius !! (88.52 Fahrenheit) is gonna be the absolute death of me!! too hot too too hot!! and it will eventually get to 35 – 38 – 40 Celsius by mid July ( about 104 Fahrenheit), I am sure Mother Nature is enjoying watching me nearly pass out working in this heat! it’s payback for driving that ozone frying global warming Bronco !!

I’ve been busy outdoors helping a friend get his yard fixed up the way his wife wants it, that right there is a comedy of errors, he has MS and is slower than molasses in January, but I admire him because he doesn’t let it stop him from doing what needs to be done. I have a bad back that likes to crap out at the worst possible moments , that and fibromyalgia makes for a lovely day at the best of times, the 2 of us are in great shape! (NOT) lol , but we muddle through helping each other and we get things done eventually.

So anyway , we are almost done his yard, when I am done at his house, I come home and work in my own yard, usually in my veggie garden, I am at war with the weeds, and I fear the weeds are currently winning , everything is coming up now except my corn, cucumbers, and pumpkins , hopefully those start popping up in the next week or so.

I am seriously toying with the idea of leaving my part time job at my other friends bar/hotel, heck I only make $10 an hour there and only work on average 4 hours a night 3 or 4 nights per week, the tips are good though, not often a Cook gets tips but I do, $50 here $50 there , but it’s not really the money that’s an issue ( I still run my yard maintenance business, and haul scrap so it ain’t like I’m sitting on my @ss doing nothing) I am semi retired…. by that I mean I only work as much as I want/need too, and I always have a couple irons in the fire, the only time I actually sit on my @ss and do next to nothing is winter ( at minus 45 I ain’t stepping out for nothing or nobody) …. why would i be entertaining the idea of leaving the bar/hotel….. because it’s summer and that kitchen is wicked hot, and it’s not so fun anymore, my friend keeps adding to my job list and those 4 hours are starting to stretch into 5 and 6 hours , it’s just not worth it to me to be away from my son for that long almost every night now, so i haven’t been answering my phone when my friend calls, and I won’t until I decide 1 way or the other what it is I want to do.

I got into the scrap business with another friend, he has a 5 ton tilt deck truck, so I invested and became a partner , I don’t own half of his business, but enough to earn a 6040 split ( he gets 60 I get 40) it generates a nice little income for me and I am learning new things so it is fun for me.

perhaps my greatest iron in the fire is , and this is so simple it’s ridiculous, I build large wooden construction waste bins , and rent them out to the local construction companies that come out here to build/renovate houses ( way cheaper than renting a big metal loras bin) and I haul it away with my friends 5 ton truck , and replace it with an empty one, the scrap wood they throw into it , I take out and what I can’t use for various small projects, I cut up into 1 foot lengths and sell it off for firewood! very little ends up in the landfill, most of it ends up in the village folks fire pits , I don’t just supply this village, I also supply 4 others , same goes with my yard maintenance business, I do 4 other communities not just my own.

I like being my own boss, I pick and choose my hours, work at my own pace and am always keeping a weathered eye on the horizon for new ventures . I am by no means rich and at times live paycheck to paycheck, most times with all my irons in the fires, I generate enough to take the winter off and enjoy my days at home.

I save money where I can , I bought an old 100+ year old home that was a fixer upper for less money than most spent on a down payment for a new huge Mcmansion home , I drive older cars, and do a lot of horse trading ( bartering) for things I need or want , my furniture is used , but nice, and I have some antiques as well as home made stuff , I chose quite simply to pursue life and personal happiness over monetary gain , I do plan on eventually going completely off the grid, I want to install solar panels and 2 small wind turbines on my house and generate my own power, I will stay hooked to the corporate power for only one reason…. to put electricity back onto the grid ( they actually pay you for doing that) I won’t make millions or even thousands doing that, but even if I get a check for $50 or $100 per month from the power company…. well thats $50 or $100 extra a month I didn’t have before!

I know I have a nice shiney new high efficiency furnace , but eventually i want to turn that off too for good, just keep it as a back up, I’d like to upgrade my little wood burning fireplace to a high efficiency pellet fireplace, heat the whole house with that ( my house is under 900 square feet split level) replace the gas water heater ( it’s a rental) with an electric which will be powered via solar/wind … most likely a rental again, because if it craps out it gets replaced free and is not my problem. The only area I’d have trouble stepping off the grid is the water supply, yes I have about a 20,000 gallon cistern , but that hasn’t been used for anything in about 50 years , except for spuds, I put potatoes down there for cold storage , I would have to make sure it didn’t leak before even attempting to use it for water, then there’s the issue of …where do i get the water? …. digging a well in the village is frowned upon big time. course I could fill it with rainwater and meltwater and use it for the toilet , run it through some filters and it could be hooked up to supply the entire bathroom , the garden and for watering the lawn etc. and just use the village water for drinking that would cut my water bill down to next to nothing. ( I will have to ponder this awhile)

So anyway my kidlet is off on a 3 day camping trip with his school , so it is just me , the 4 cats and the dog for the next few days, which means for 3 days I don’t have to wait for him to get off the computer , I have a laptop up in my bedroom, but we only have 1 wireless turbo stick .

So that’s all for tonight, Remember Folks:express your love often, never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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I’m Back Services and other ramblings

We had a service for my wife Saturday February 7th 2015 , it was simply beautiful, it lasted about 45 minutes, the little church was packed with standing room only, I just know she was there in spirit smiling, and probably thinking “I don’t like all this attention” , she never was one who cared for much attention, she was more focused on her little family.

I have her Urn and set up a nice little memorial on our book shelf, nothing too fancy as she preferred the simple things in life, I just put her photo there next to the urn, 3 purple candles and 3 chocolate red roses , that’s pretty much it, I have my memories of her now, and it may sound odd ,but with her urn home in the house, it’s almost like we are a Family again.

We had lots of Family stay with us, our little house on the prairies was packed full, we had 8 people not counting Hammy and I sleeping and living in our small humble home, but we managed just fine, we also brought a lot of business to our villages bar/hotel, we filled all 10 rooms , each room has 2 double beds so it was 4 people per room, my Friend owns the bar and gave everyone a deep discount, and we kept the kitchen busy as well.

Hammy and I are starting to fall into a quasi normal routine again, my day usually starts at 6 am and ends around midnight, I not only look after Hammy but the house as well, I had a great teacher for the last 18 years so I know how to keep a house, and I can cook, very well if I do say so myself, I have also been up to my ass in Government forms and other paper work, it gets complicated when a loved one passes.

Hammy is doing alright, he sits by the urn and tells his Mom about his day at school and always says good night to her, he grieves different than I do and that’s okay, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, He is a strong little soul that is for sure.

I myself am starting to recover slowly, I find myself getting teary eyed out of the blue every now and then, I smile when I see a young family together then get teary eyed knowing that , that was once me and my little family, the truth is the whole family dynamic has permanently changed and can never be what it once was, and I miss that. I want that back. Every day I miss her and I always will.

Hammy and I have grown closer, we have made it a rule that we don’t go to bed with out a hug and a kiss on the cheek good night followed by an I love you, we do this in the morning too, even if he has dragon breath in the morning, I still appreciate the kiss on the cheek, I have started putting little notes in his school lunch, nothing fancy, just a simple I love you and am thinking of you , Dad , hopefully it brightens his day a bit.

I can do this, I got this, I can be a single parent and manage a home and the animals just fine, I am not so scared of the task now, Hammy isn’t the least bit worried, as long as he is fed and watered he is a happy camper, He follows the routine pretty well and is managing to keep his grades up at school. I am so very proud of him and you will find me talking/writing quite a lot about him as time moves forward, he is Pauline’s Legacy to the world and I will continue to raise him in the same fashion as before, he is my pride and joy and I am gonna do my fare share of bragging on him because he is just that great!

Financially I am in good shape, there will be some tough times now and then, but then there always is for almost everyone on the planet, I still have my job at my friends bar here in the village, I cook there a couple hours a night 3 to 4 nights a week, I haven’t returned to work yet and don’t plan to until I have all the paperwork and Government crap done, perhaps in March I will return to work, I also have EI (employment insurance) which I always file for each winter until spring arrives and I can fire up my yard maintenance business again, my business is seasonal so I usually take the winters off and hibernate, I also have other things that bring in some money, not a lot but when you save it up it all adds up, I do use Google Ads on my Blogspot site to generate a small income, it’s not much but as I said it adds up, and the cheques are in US currency so I get even more Canadian dollars when I make the deposit. I also collect scrap metals and recycle , it’s quick easy money, I am toying with the idea of selling off some stuff via Ebay, no rush for that though and it’s there if and when I want to give it a whirl.

During the spring summer fall months I generally make more than enough money to carry through the long cold winters we have here, so I am by no means financially ruined or facing any serious hardships now that my wife is no longer alive, quite the contrary, I’m not spending $300-400 in gas making multiple trips to the city to get to doctor appointments, I’m no longer shelling out $50 a week in hospital parking, no longer have to buy specialty foods and special diets , nor am I shelling out hundreds on medications each month, it’s all money that can be saved and put away now.

This summer Hammy and I plan on doing some traveling,fishing and camping together, it should be fun and together we can build some great memories, I do very much enjoy spending time with Hammy, he honestly is a fun kid and a hard worker, as I mentioned in previous posts, last summer Hammy pretty much ran my entire business all summer so I could be home to look after Pauline, he was just 12 years old turning 13 when he manned up and went to work running my business, I did all the paper work and reassured clients that yes Hammy could run the equipment and knew exactly what he was doing after all he had been working along side me since he was 7 years old, he runs the machines like a pro and I never had a single complaint all last year, and yes I made sure Hammy was paid and paid well for all his hard work.

As far as my grief goes, I do miss my Wife dearly, I am heartbroken and lonely now, but I find comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering and she is at peace now, I know she is in Heaven smiling down on us, I know she will be eternally young, I know she has her long blonde curly hair and that her eyes once again have that sparkle in them, I know God is taking good care of her,I know that we will be together again one day and that comforts me.

I still haven’t been able to sleep in our bed, it’s so big and empty now, I just may down size to a twin bed, I will never share my bed with anyone so I really don’t have the need for a queen sized bed anymore. For now I sleep on the couch in the living room, also I haven’t gone through her stuff and bagged it for donation yet, I’m just not quite ready for that yet, I have gotten rid of a few things in the living room, more decluttering than anything , just a lamp that was never used, an old rickety book shelf, some bins full of scrap booking stuff , not a lot, but enough to free up some space and make the house more Hammy’s and mine.

Guess that’s all I want to say right now, but I am back and will write more often now that life is settling down again.

Remember folks: express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted, and be kind to others.

Butch
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Ramblings

Well here I am again on the old decrepit desktop computer thanks to our son "Hammy" who thought it would be a grand idea to turn off my laptop during a defrag... long story short, the laptop is pooched until I can get it into a repair shop for a complete system reload, (Thanks Son ) .... (ps I still Love you even though I wanna wring your scrawny neck!!)

Anywho, I have been asked to speak to the LBGTQ youth at a small venue about my life , married life, family life and about living in a community of 500 or less people who (as far as I know) are all God fearing heterosexuals.

I have no frackin clue what the hell to say or what I should say? I mean I live up here in Canada and for the last decade or so pretty much taken my equality rights for granted, should I talk about how it was prior to the LBGTQ having equal rights? I have no frackin clue what the current issues plaguing the community are now? Im so far out of the loop it aint even funny.

From what I can tell and from personal experience, my life and my family life are almost an exact mirror of my heterosexual counterparts, I truly cant see much of a difference at all, right down to my Spiritualism and personal beliefs in God (for the most part anyway), the only difference is the gender of my partner.

I havent decided just yet if I will actually take up the offer to speak to the young whipper snappers, I mean when I was in my teens and early 20s I sure as hell didnt want to listen to some old fart tell me how it was back in the day (Im 46, old enough to be a fart to the younger generation(s) )

So theres that, as for how do we fit into a small village? quite nicely actually, we have never had a negative reaction of any sort, hell our house doesnt even get egged on Halloween, course that could be because we give good candies ! lol , none of the kids at school bother our son about it, most of those kids have been to our house playing the XBox or Playstation and chowing down on my wifes awesome cookies and cakes.

We take an active role in our small community via volunteering for various fundraisers, helping neighbors & friends and being friendly towards everyone, my wife works at the town bar as a cook and I am semi retired and do odd jobs around the village, in the summer our son mows lawns and in the winter he shovels driveways. We call this little village home and it is as warm and welcoming as any home could be.

well I guess I will end it there, my son just challenged me to a game of Blazing Angels (WWII fighter pilot playstation game)

Butch
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Winter’s on it’s way and other ramblings from the prairies

So for now we here in our little corner of Saskatchewan (Canada) have avoided the dreaded white stuff that falls from the sky (Snow) , (having said that I probably just jinxed myself and will wake up to 10 feet of the shit) but the temperatures have just screamed snow on the horizon hovering between 2 and 5 degrees celsius during the day and dropping as low as minus 7 at night, our saving grace? …. we keep getting a southern wind from our neighbours (Thank you USA) as long as they keep sending the winds our way we shall remain snow free.

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I know that the snow isn’t far off now, the Blue Jays are setting up shop in our back yard, there is 5 or 6 of them so far, funny they only come in winter, don’t get me wrong I love the blue buggers, but what I really want to see is a Cardinal !! I have only seen 1 in my entire 47 years of existence and that was 40 friggin years ago! I really really want to see another one. The hawks and falcons have gone south for the winter and the great horned owls and snowy owls have taken their place and the Canadian Geese are staging in the fields for their journey south , the good thing about that is at least we won’t be stepping in Goose shit for the next 7 months, they will soon be the USA’s problem (you’re welcome)

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Today I put up my snow fence along our driveway , all 100 feet of it, I have some left over snow fence (about 50 feet) so I gave it to our neighbour to help him out, this will be his second winter out here (he and his family are city folk), last winter his driveway blew in something fierce (got snowed in) and about that time his shiny new snowblower crapped out on him. He almost died last year with the amount of snow we got out here, nor could he believe how cold it can get, in the city he was sheltered from the winds by multiple buildings walls and such, he got a taste of minus 50 with a 40 mile an hour wind and blowing snow out here in the open prairie , to say he was a little freaked out was an understatement lol

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I have had a pretty easy day over all, just winterizing the house and property, topping off all the fluids in my cars and dealing with a wicked weather induced migraine , always happens to me this time of year as the atmospheric pressure drops and it will happen again 7 months from now when spring hits and the pressure changes once again, this will be an ongoing saga for me for about 2 months until the atmospheric pressure stabilizes, it’s also that time of year when I really begin to feel my age (47) , my joints hurt and I’m stiff most of the winter, but you won’t hear me bitching about it often as it is merely a painful reminder of a very full and active life I have lived (so far) I’m not as crazy as I was 20 years ago , but I am still active and I will be kept busy all winter shovelling paths to and from the work shed and various other locations, as well as the driveway and helping the neighbours clear their drives.

cartoon34Of course I will be taking my wife to the city weekly for her doctor appointments keeping her alive and as healthy as possible despite her lung cancer is of utmost importance, hell keeping myself healthy is important now since I am the only person that drives, I can’t afford to be sick, my wife’s life depends on me looking after myself and staying healthy. Our son is as healthy and as strong as an ox so I don’t really have to worry about him much. So it’s month 2 for me on the crestor and metamucil ( anti cholesterol) and I have definitely noticed a change in my overall health, I feel better, I have more energy, and I’ve lost 5 pounds! I am now down to 220 pounds ( I carry the weight well , I’m 5ft 10), I have gotten used to the metamucil so I don’t feel like I’m dying every time I drink a glass of juice with it, so far so good, I am hoping to have lost another 5 pounds by the end of November, ideally I’d like to get down to 180 to 185 pounds , that is my goal and it’s realistic , if I just keep on doing what I’m doing I will eventually get there.

So I guess that’s it for tonight, remember folks : express your love often,never take tomorrow for granted,and be kind to others.

Butch
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My Wife general ramblings

My wife has started to lose her hair from Chemo,it is very hard for her emotionally, see she has always had naturally curly long (down to her butt) blonde hair, she is devastated that we had to cut it to shoulder length, and now it is falling out in clumps, I really feel bad for her when she looks in the mirror and bursts into tears.

I try to console her by letting her know she is as beautiful now as she ever was, and remind her that her hair will grow back. I bought her a teal barrett, a french type hat that you see the high fashion ladies wear in the movies, and picked up some purple and pink bandanas to make do rags (sp?) for her and this Wednesday after her appointment at the Cancer center, I am taking her wig shopping. At least with a wig she can have some semblance of normalcy in her life.

I put a portable oxygen tank in the car today and took her for a drive in the country, I parked up on a hill over looking a flooded wheat field, there were thousands if not tens of thousands of Snow Geese and Canadian Geese as well as a large variety of ducks milling around in the water, we just sat there for a couple hours windows down, classical music playing softly on the radio, just watching the birds and enjoying the warm gentle breeze.

We never spoke, didn’t have to, just enjoying each others company and holding each other quietly, as I said in an earlier post somewhere, she is my soul mate and I hers, we can speak volumes to each other without uttering a single word, I would gaze upon her for a time and in my heart and eyes,I seen the long haired beauty that I married 17 years ago, to me with or without hair my wife is beautiful, I’ve had to choke back countless tears while at her side and be strong for her, and be the rock she needs me to be.

When we got back home she wanted to lay down for awhile,so I got her settled into her bed in the living room and kissed her forehead softly then went outside to do some spring yard work.

I took down the snowfence along our driveway, then hooked up the water pump and began pumping out our backyard, every spring our yard floods, our property is low so the melt water rushes in and every year I spend a week pumping it out.

After I got the pump going and the water draining into the nearby field, I grabbed Hammy (our son) and got into a game of shinny (road hockey) with him for a few hours, I feel bad for him, since his Mom got sick he has kind of been pushed to the side, it’s my fault, but today I vowed to resolve the situation and spend a minimum of 2 hours per day with him, just him and me doing whatever it is he wants to do.

Hammy and I have a date tomorrow for a long bike ride in the country(pedal bikes) it should be interesting, him and I are close, but he is a Mom’s boy through and through, he is very scared and worried for his Mom, and yes, he is also fully aware of his Mother’s situation and knows that in the end it will be just him and me , that is a hell of a lot for a 12 year old boy to be going through.

I have arranged for him to go to a farm in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan ,for a 4 day visit to play with newborn billy goats and newborn piglets, he needs the break from all this sickness and stress.

While he is away I will strip the old shingles of my workshop and begin re-roofing it, Don’t get me wrong I love our son dearly, but I work faster alone and without him there I need not worry about him nailing his foot to the roof with the air nailer.

He can help put in the last of the log and post coral style fence when he gets back home, I use an antique manual post hole auger, it builds muscle and is a great cardio workout to boot, only have 10 more posts to put in, and 20 logs, 12 footers, this fence has been a labor of love for the last 3 years, so far 150 posts have been dug and put in, all by hand.

anyway that’s about it for tonight, I’ll stop here, and remember, express your love often to those near and dear to you, never take tomorrow for granted for tomorrow may never come.

Butch
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